Yes, it's Renee being emo again. emo emo I'm always dressed in my best when I'm close to breaking down.
I feel guilty because I can't seem to find a job to support myself in any shape or form. Like, it's only to pay for extremities, but I know I'm going to need one, and many, to help with things over my life even though I may not want to. I'm just tired of not getting anywhere. I feel like it's one big circle of crap and I feel guilty for not just like, I don't know, sucking it up and trying to go back to SAAN? I felt horrible working there in a lot of ways. In a lot of ways I enjoyed it, but it just isn't something I feel I can go back to. But, everyone who's hiring won't take me for whatever reason.
I thought I had it in the BAG with Good News Cafe. Apparently not. And calling people ddoesn't work. I've seen how it doesn't work. But I'm feeling down anyhow, so any assumptions I make are stupid and will make me feel worse. Hurray.
And I get ******** pissed off and upset when people with ugly faces and tiny bodies are the ones who can fit into all the clothing while those of us who look better and maybe can't stretch into a ******** size 2-8 aren't allowed to wear clubwear, which looks like lingerie anyhow.
And I'm crying. I guess I just haven't cried in a while. I probably just need to get off my ******** lazy a** and do s**t, even though I already am. I don't know. I have laundry to do that I'll tackle on the weekend, I think. Tomorrow is apply with 2 resumes and do errands at grandview day. Maybe some laundry that doesn't have to go out on the line. I need kleenex. wahmbulance wahmbulance
I got my ticket for travelling to Medicine Hat. Wohoo. I'm going by bus. ******** BUS. It was either that or plane. Bus might actually be easier, aside from the no sleep part that's going to drive me nuts. It'll be safer for my luggage, that's for sure.
And I'm 18 and I'm lonely and I'm a sexual being with needs unfulfilled. Then boytoy decides to mess with my mind. It's like he's only attracted to me in July or something. He probably has some out of town girl that goes to LU during the regular season. I don't know. Sometimes I just wish I was easier. >< That's probably not a good wish, but whatever. If you expect less, you get more.
I want to go to Ottawa.
Edit: Just so you all know, I recover pretty quickly. Writing it all out helps. Don't you worry none.
