Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Journal
Last night with Zidan was absolutely wonderful. I loved it so much, and I wouldn't mind reliving it every night I was here. He's so suave, and very romantic. He has changed. Speaking of changes, today was the first time in my entire life that my father raised a hand to me. My father said that I had spoken out of line or something to that affect and he raised his hand to me. I felt so... hurt. It was if he had betrayed me. He had never ever done that before in his entire life. Why he was angry with me, I don't know. It seems that ever since I got back he could care less about me. He's been so callous. It's starting to worry me really. Something isn't right here... it's all out of place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journal
I can't believe it! I am so apalled at myself, and my father! We were at dinner, and he had invited some odd guests over for some meeting. I am guess a treaty of sorts, or something. My father had been getting war hungry. Anyways, at the table I had politely asked a question and my father slapped me across the face so hard it sent me to the ground. I had no idea what I had done wrong. I knew I wasn't out of place. I was so baffled and hurt by it, I excused myself before I left to my room. After I exited the dinning hall I ran crying my eyes out. Zidane saw me and asked me what was going on. I told him everything and he wasn't too pleased to hear it. In fact, he was just as perturbed as I was. I swear though, the next time my father does that to me, I am going to hit back. It wasn't right of him to do so in the first place. I knew something was odd... I need to investigate this further.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journal
A few weeks have passed. I've been locked away in the high tower. Yes, the high tower. No food, no water, only cold wind, modly stone walls and cold iron shackles. What did I do to deserve this? Supposedly I had walked in on my father while he was doing something important. I didn't even get a chance to see what the hell he was doing before he throttled my neck after I had knocked twice with no responce and when I opened the door. We had it out, and we had it out good. He's got a few bloody bruises and hurt pride, I know that much. I swear that man is out to get me. I shouldn't have to live like this with my own damn fathe... no... he's not even that any more. He's Richard. No man who treats his flesh and blood this way is a father to anything but malice. I've heard talk of spreading land as well. I think my ... Richard has gone insane. He doesn't need land. He's got everything he could possibley need, and everything that everyone else wants. He's got my mother's land, and his own, and with that half of the Guardanian Court. What more could he need?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journal
The fights are getting more life threatening. He's pulled a knife on me today. That coward. I've noticed that Richard has also put restrictions on his little toys as well. When I say toys, I mean his soldiers. Zidan is acting different with me. It hurts. I hate Richard. He's destroying me... I swear one of these days I am going kill that son of a b***h and I am going to like every scream of agony that .... monster can produce. Right now, the only reason I am having time to write is so I can stay awake. I think he wants to kill me. I wouldn't be suprised if he murdered me. I need to train myself to be more aware of my surroundings when I do sleep so no one can sneak up on me. I will work on that later though, but for now, I need to keep my mind focused, or at least semi-focused on the door. I don't want to fall asleep. I can't afford to fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journal
Walking around today, I have noticed that Richard is training everyone vigerously. He's also being cruel to his men. He's putting them through this nearly impossible obsticle course, and telling the people that if they don't survive then they didn't deserve to be where they are and life wasn't good enough for them. When he was doing this, I saw Zidan nearly lose his life. It scared me... I don't understand why he is doing this. He could just run away and be a part of something far more grand than this every could be. My ... Richard is a warmongering wretch of man. His eyes are darker, they remind me of spilt pools of ink. It's scary. His rage is always boiling, and I've noticed he's been in the company of another man. Fair haired and his eyes are so breath takingly evil... This new man doesn't seem to take a kind liking to me either. I don't like him, nor the influence he has over my father.... I need to stop calling him that. My father died...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Journal
I nearly killed Richard today. I hate him. I dislike saying that I do, but Can't take him anymore. He's better than I am with a sword, only because he's more muscular and bigger in size than me. I almost made a few fatal mistakes that DeJean would have scorned me for. I have been thinking about home lately. This place... Richards domain is not my home. It hasn't been for a while now. I've moved all of my stuff back to my mother's and I hope to be going there soon. I can't take much more of this. I bet he's putting up a facade and that he really doesn't even love my mother anymore. He's just in it for the land.... which... scares me. I have felt something inside of me... Something terrible is going to happen and I don't want to be here when it does happen. I don't like it... I want my mom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Journal
That b*****d trapped me in my room for the last damn time in my entire life! I've been stuck in that tower for the entire winter! I hate him. I hate Richard. I vow, right here and now that I will never forgive him for what he has done to me. I do not deserve any of this. I also am starting to loath that other man that he is with. I don't know his name and really could care less. Zidan doesn't even talk to me anymore because of Richard, but I can tell he wants too. Me staying here is too painfull for the both of us. I am going to leave soon, and he's the only one I will say good-bye too. My father can kiss my happy a**. I'm glad it's spring, at least it is fairly warm enough outside to not dress heavily. The more clothing, the more it hinders motion and the easier it is to sneak around. It's time to pack. I don't know when I will write in this again, but I promise it won't be here...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Journal
I recently found you, and so much has happened. I've been to sad to write even if I did know where you were. I can't take this pain. The night I was leaving, I had to pass a room my father was in. I heard him talk about murdering my mother just to gain her lands, and then killing me so I wouldn't be in the way. I ran so fast and so far that it only took me a night and day to reach my mother's palace. It was actually night when I arrived and I flew into my mother's room. When I arrived I was too late. I saw her and her killer. He had already stabbed her in the chest. I will never forget his snowy white hair, and his peircing green eyes. I hate that man. His body was covered with tattoos, and his shape was lithen. I didn't know whether to chase after him, or try to save my mother. I decided to run to her side and I held her to me so tightly. She told me she loved me and died, bleeding as I sat there with her in my arms completely helpless. The one person who I knew would always be there for me and love me was gone. Gone because of that hatefull b*****d Richard. DeJean found me the next day crying in my sleep clutching onto my mother. It took the judges a while to figure out I was telling the truth. They had thought that I had killed my mother. While all of this was going on, my father had sent out Quads of search parties. I would go out with DeJean and we'd find them, and kill them. I just ... I ... Need to stop now. I'll write in here more later.