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The harder that I seem to try, the more I seem to regret. The less I think things are worth the while, the more I realize that I'm the one worth nothing more than a pitying smile. It's truly not worth it, I seem to fall in time. How do these things continue to pile against me and my hopes to be something more? If I were to die would anyone morn me beyond my realm of friends, acquanitances, my kin? Of course not, I've done nothing worth while to catch their attention. I haven't the heart to want someone to morn me. And yet wonder a contradiction; what is it in my nature that makes them notice, makes want them want to hear me?
I've nothing to say that's worth while for my heart is empty robbed of its emotion, less not worthy, less than worthless, bottom-feeder. I don't understand how my logic can betray me so much. I'll never understand how my own mind defeats me so many times. Maybe if I pressed harder, I would only fall harder. But maybe is I stood again people would see what made them to open up their hands and buy some tuppence to feed the starving world that clutters at our feets like children in need. Maybe if I paid heed there would more than emptyness. But I try to ignite a hope within me that says, "I am, but I care enough to understand your situation." Maybe I don't know myself enough or why I cry without remorse, without a soul, without a reason, but simply because I understand that I am so worthless.
I want to try harder, I want to be better. But all the methods point to my being worthless...
 Xits the Tragedy · Thu Jun 08, 2006 @ 12:39am · 0 Comments |
