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I dumped him, right? I did this... then why is it that I feel like someone is hacking away at my sternum with a butcher's knife? It's true, that's how I feel. Maybe it's because I didn't really want to break up with him at all. I missed him all day today. In a way I'm glad he wasn't at school, because I probably would've cried just looking at him. The funny thing is I told him not to call me anymore, yet I want him to call me, all the time. I want to talk to him again. I want to be with him. I wish I could undo this all. I wish I could get rid of his bad traits, so that I wouldn't have doubts, or so my mother and father couldn't put logical thoughts into my mind. I wish I could forget everything. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way.
I'm racking my brains out, trying not to think about him, when really he's all that's in my mind. God, I'm so pathetic. I know I'll get over this, it just hurts. It's my first breakup, so I guess that's the majority of my problem. The rest is guilt and lonliness. I just ended one of the best things in my life. I know I don't need a man to survive. And I don't need HIM to survive, either, but I don't give a flying ********. He never treated me badly... well, he did before he starting admitting to the fact that he liked me. Before that he was an a*****e.
I keep thinking I could have fixed him. Counseling could change him... But that was already attempted: anger management. Well, it didn't work, I guess, 'cause he still loses it when he's mad.
Other than that, he was as close to perfect as I had imagined! Oh GOD this sucks a** CHEEKS! Then Rebecca was telling me how a breakup shouldn't be based on anything Cassidy says or does, so that made this worse. I can't change it, though. And besides, I just wanted everyone to think I dumped him over that.... but that wasn't it. I trusted Mom. She's been in abusive relationships, and she says that he has too many abusive traits, "Why wait until he hurts you? Stop it before he does." But I don't make him angry. We get, er, got along perfectly. We talked about everything and anything. And now I don't have that anymore. I've lost my everything. And it's my fault.
God I hate myself.
She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
"A joke of a romantic" or stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like.."
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up its last call
Last resort
But only the first mistake and I...
I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by
Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress, love
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me
Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance this is the way they'd love
Dance this is the way they'd love
Dance this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
Dance, Dance
 the_original_demongal · Mon May 01, 2006 @ 11:04pm · 0 Comments |
