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God, my life is so unfair!

I know, almost every day now my mother tells me "Well, life isn't always fair!" but even saying that hurts me! If life isn't always fair, why does she do her best to make it that way? So I can be let out into the real world and learn the hard way that it isn't? So I can be stunned with hurt, so she can finally get it through my apparently thick head that what she's told me all my life was a total lie?

I know there are a lot of people in worse situations, but right now I want to focus on me, just me and my life. I know this sounds conceited and egotistical, but I focus a lot of my time constantly on how others feel, and usually leave myself out. Why? Because I genuinely like people. I like people to be happy. A lot of my feelings are being vented out in this post, and most of them seem biased. But truly, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the only thing I've seen my brother get punished for was looking up, well, stuff he shouldn't have, and that was sometime last year. I am honestly racking my brain right now, and I can't think of a single thing he's gotten in trouble with since. So as biased as this rant may seem, it's not as one-sided as you think. I KNOW my brother is not the favored child, a thought that crossed my mind sometime near the beginning of puberty, where my thoughts and emotions were all screwed the hell up and I thought everyone was out to get me. These feelings have been thought through, and though some parts MAY be biased, I know most of them are not.

Every time I see my multimedia now, I feel like I'm going to cry. Why? Because someone very important to me is leaving. He's a good friend of mine--possibly my best friend, and now I'm tearing up just thinking about it. And the strange thing is, he's my mother's boyfriend. Well, I'm sure ex, at this point. And he's leaving because of my damn brother!

Just weeks ago, not even that long ago, my mother had told Robert he had the authority to punish us as a normal father would-- and it was only a reminder, he had already been told that at the beginning of the relationship.

Today, well, yesterday, I was told to relay the message of beginning chores to my brother-- dishes, living room, and cleaning a little mess one of our dogs had made.

Immediately following, Jason lashes out with "Who found it!?" I had told him Robert did, and asked one of us to clean it up, and he replies with a harsh, "Well why don't YOU do it, Robert??"

When Robert replies with a "Get off your game now and start doing your chores," Jason continues with his sharp tongue by saying "Answer me!! Why don't you do it!? YOU found it!"

"Get off your game, NOW."

"No! Answer my question!"

After several other argumentative shouts from my brother to Robert and a considerable amount less from Robert to Jason, my brother found himself grounded from the x-box, and both the phone and TV taken out of his room. A considerable punishment for not only shouting at his guardian, but defying him and shouting his own orders at Robert, yes?

Well, apparently not, for when my mother got home, Jason was the first to reach her. Naturally, he told what he was famous for-- lies. Backed up by his side of the story and his side only, he had everything back in it's place and was shouting at his online friends within the hour.

Way to show him defying adults is the correct way to go about things.

But the best part is, my mother's going against the words of TWO people--me as a witness and Robert, in favor of the child that normally LIES. In fact, according to Robert, she went so far as to say WE were lying, to get Jason in trouble. What's more is that she didn't even give Robert the chance to explain the whole story! And you know what else? She accused Robert of wrongly punishing HER son, and that he HADN'T been allowed to punish us at any point and time in the relationship.

Because of her irrationality and her not-so-punishment, Robert is leaving. I have never seen my brother lash out at him that way, and even if there wasn't any chance he deserved that much punishment, he needed some. If my mother keeps letting him slide, he's going to get a large smack in the face by life! Which would actually be funny to watch.

And this isn't the first time he's slipped punishment, which upsets me even more. I was driven to lie to my mother ONCE, and when I came out and told the truth, I had been and still am banished from Robert's x-box.

We aren't allowed to curse in my household. But Robert lets it slide--sometimes. When Jason is in the living room, the entire household can hear him shouting obscenities across the world. One particular one, using the term 'rape' as means of defeating an opposing team harshly, got him a WARNING. My mother decided if he said it again, he would get a full week off the game, no exceptions. Do you even want to know how many times I've heard him shout the word, plus several obscenities even worse?

Am I wrong in thinking this is unfair? As the elder child, with better grades and overall skills, (And I assure you, I am not trying to gloat) does that mean the slightest thing I do wrong deserves punishment? Is it because I have those better grades? Is it because I look forward to having the better life than what my brother seems to be viewing at the moment? Should Jason be allowed to do what he wants because he doesn't take medicine for his apparent ADHD, because he has the lesser grades and several lesser talents than I do? If that is truly the case, then why do I try so hard to remain the better child?

Thanks for listening to my rant. I really just need to let it just stream out, though I'm sure I'll be crying myself to sleep for several days to come. And chances are, since the computer screen I'm currently using belongs to Robert, I'll be on the computer a hell of a lot less. Maybe there's a way I can be the mediator, a position I've gotten used to between Robert and my mother by now. Maybe I can try again, make things better, get him to stay a little longer... I don't want to lose my best friend.

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