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(Not doing anything cliche as if dear diary)
Currently talking to myself.

Hey is it bad if you miss someone who's never coming back? I realized that my grandpa's 'anniversary'....it's coming up faster than expected. I can't sleep well lately, and when I wake, my head throbs as if I've been trampled over.

Whenever I think of him, I choke up.I mean he was the best gramps anyone could ever ask for. He's the kind of guy who can never say no...I have lots of regrets. I took advantage of him for years when he was around. I took a Spanish course for his sake, but not once did I ever had a small conversation with him. I wasn't with him the moment of his death. Whenever my loved ones die, I was in school...each and every damn time!!

Hah, how stupid of me. A heartless person like me is still bawling my eyes out when everyone else seemed to move on... I . What a joke. Why did he love me? I wasn't with him when everyone else was. I have to keep the happy mask on because I hate it when people take pity on me. I don't like pulling the "oh, i just want to make other people happy" crap when I can't even be happy myself . What a VERY nice friend I turned out to be >.<

If anyone reads this, I don't need help from anyone. I don't want to be consoled. Understand? It's only been one year now, but I'll handle it...despite the fact im mentally unstable (term used by many) If you console me, I won't be able to see your text...aw dammit, I'm choking up again TT~TT