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Libby! gonk Sure, now you make up with Ella. Godgodgodgodgod why?!? What am I supposed to do now? Oh, sorry Ella, I didn't mean the thing where I just befriended you because I needed a partner for gym and a place to sit at lunch, and a friend during P.F.T., and that I didn't every really like you at all.
...
godgodgodgodgodgodgodgo-
xd I just had a thought. The catholics are after me. xd
-dgodgodgodgodgodgod!
Why couldn't I just keep my fu-rickin mouth shut til the end of the school year! That was my original plan, and I could just revert back to my primary clique during or after the summer. Stupid Obsessive-Compulsive disorder. I hate both parts of it. DX I can usually keep the obsessiveness in check, but you really can't do anything about compulsive...Because it's compulsive, split second decision without really making it. I hatehatehate it. cry I've been so bloody tired and stressed lately, and I always keep everyone far away from me, so no one ever really knows what's wrong with me, what I like, what I hate. I have to say, this is a good character. I like my seventh grade person better than my others. Though, admittedly, I miss wearing pink. And talking about clothes. And being able to have fun without Cecile being a b***h about it.
Since I'm pretty much giving you everything, I'll talk about something else that's important. My modes. I have two. One didn't have a name until I found one that matched perfectly while reading a book. Scarlet Mode. The one where I'm a cold, cruel, calculated (Sorry, lannia) b***h. I don't give a d-crap about anyone or anything except moi. I think everyone that knows me knows that side. But, I also have a more human side, but I never really let it out, because I'm always hurt when I use that side. As an example, you can probably tell what mode I was in when I wrote the last entry. I was out to hurt anyone and everyone. I'm not going to edit it, for the sake of history, but if I could edit it, here:
I just read through my entire journal, and I got to the entry about Ella's xanga. Cecile's comment made me realize something. I've got to come out in the open about something. The only reason I befriended her was because I wanted a friend at Praire Fire Theater, a seat at lunch, and a guaranteed partner during gym. So, I never really liked Ella, I just used her. I ditched her a few weeks ago because she was boring me, I had new good friends in gym, and Libby's table could become my new spot. I'm sorry for playing you all like that...It was rather amusing seeing everyone get all worked up over nothing. Luff to Nicole and Libby, I shouldn't have hurt you like that. heart
Yeah...I put in all of that youguysarestupidyoushouldhaveknown stuff was because I felt like hurting everyone...And I succeeded. I just looked at the comments, now, and I will respond to them one by one.
Cecile: ...*is amused* I'm tempted to go psychological on you, but I won't.
Nicole: You're not slow at all, there was no real way you could have known.
Libby: Yes, I wanted to be harsh.
Cecile: Yeah. 3nodding
Nicole: Thanks for trying to defend me, but everything except the rape accusation was true.
So...I feel...bare. I've told you about a lot, except the mind trap. And, I'll never tell anyone about that. Maybe a summary of what it does, but never what it is.
I know she doesn't go on Gaia anymore, but Ella, I shouldn't have done that to you. You have a lot of good qualities, and if I hadn't had that purpose for you, we probably would have actually become good friends. So, I hope you'll forgive me, and that we can become friends again, and not have a fake friendship. I considered doing something really mean to you on behalf of Libby, Cecile, and Nicole, and now I'm glad I didn't. I hadn't planned anything when I approached you at P.F.T., but it was a definite possibility.
...I don't think I really have anything else to say, just one plea; Cecile...Restrain the bitchiness. You always have a tendency to say the cruelest things when I try to be real.
Thank you...This entry is really just meant for Cecile, Libby, and Nicole. I'll end this entry now...Thank you for reading.
 AGCourtney · Wed Apr 12, 2006 @ 09:58pm · 6 Comments |
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