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Memento Mori

	Sharks and mermaids, abandon ship.
	Sharks and mermaids, abandon ship.

If anyone had told me ten years ago that...

I would be engaged, living with the man I met on my favorite website (and who told me his character's name meant "She Who Never Gets The Girl" rofl ) in our first apartment that is in the very first group of apartments I looked at when first looking for a place in this area and wanted so damn bad but was told there was a waiting list so it could be years before I could land one of the places...

My fluffy little buddy would be gone physically from this plane of existence...

I would be working at a bookstore but be absolutely miserable- and that I would not only get promoted to management but then step back down out of it because it turned out to be one of the worst mistakes for my mental health I ever made...

I would have one of my biggest personal projects FINALLY done (I finally got all my stuff in an orderly manner! I finally got our apartment in good order! Finally mostly unpacked after being here for nearly a year!) and be ready to actually start working on my book (because I am crazy-OCD-lady and I had to gather all my source material and have all my other crapola tidied up, sorted out and put into actual order) because I am not a disorganized mess anymore...

I would FINALLY not be on a constant guilt-trip over not doing this or that for this or that person, actually be able to say no when I was not up for doing things or visiting with people or talking on the phone (all major things- I have not had an instant pestering program since years back; I nearly had a breakdown trying to keep up with all the people that wanted to IM me while calls and texts and posts and emails and replies demanded immediate attention...and this all while people were physically in my apartment wanting just as much attention! This introvert seriously almost went apocalyptic on a great many people)...and feel healthy for it, to boot!

I'd watch (and fully enjoy!) one of the Gundam animes...

I would be so open with my feelings and current mind-states and emotional statuses with so many people (...for me; bear in mind it does not take a lot to overstimulate the introvert) but especially with a man- the one that put this pretty ring on this finger! I actually am not bothered about telling people if they are doing something I am not comfortable with (read: I am not afraid to hurt their ittle feelings if they are doing something I have asked nicely ten times for them to stop) and I am working really hard on not bottling so much up. I am a natural, born and true bottler when it comes to emotions; I spent my teen years thinking how good I was at wearing a mask, keeping things to myself and never letting out even a hint of all the stuff going on in my head...and I have spent my adult years harvesting a very bitter crop from all the seeds I let grow roots. But I am working on it. I am working on unraveling a lifetime of knots, unleashing and unbottling a pantheon of storms and inner demons...

I would fall in love with Battlestar Galactica- to the point where we named our apartment Galactica and I have an unabashed girl-crush on Starbuck. I thought during most of the series I would have her play Flare in a live-action movie because she has the look and she played a fragile but determined, kickass character who was not afraid to bring it. All she needs is the green eyes! If I had an autobiographical video, this would be it. If I had a movie made about my life I would fangirl and ask her to play me. t.t She is even an Aries like me! :3 I remember the first scene she was in Asai turned to me, smiled sweetly and said "You will like her." He knows me. heart

One of my favorite physical attributes I would come to love would be the small scar on the right side of my upper face...

I would be blessed enough to have friends both online and off that accept me as I am, don't mind that I am a bit unpredictable and are amazingly patient with me when I get into one of my funks, sulks, pissies, rants or moods and still like me when I come out the other end of one of my mental storms...

I would finally be able to listen to certain music/songs again...

I would be completely revising, re-visioning and retooling my own personal Dark Tower because as things happen and life progresses I see the details changing, certain aspects needing to be rewritten due to events that eerily echo the so-called "fictional" side of the mirror...

...I'd have called them mad, laughed and beaten the path to escape the craziest person I had ever met.

· Mon Jul 18, 2011 @ 04:27am · 0 Comments


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