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Son of a mother ******** antivan whore boshtet that sucks hairy monkey balls!!!

............

Never. Before. Have I been so ******** angry/depressed this much for this long.

I can't keep putting up a ******** mask. I hate this. ******** the holidays. You want me to be happy? Don't ******** claim you love me! I don't need people falling for me! I can't deal with this s**t anymore. My heart hurts so ******** much and I think I just might leave for a while. I ******** want to run away but I can't. I can't live with my friend! I can't go to portland with my mother! I can't stay anywhere else cept the streets and I can't do that! I can't tell my dad that I'm thinking about these things. Only to my friends. They try so hard to cheer me up, but it doesn't work. It doesn't ******** work! I've kept up all these things in my heart and they're making it so ******** hard for me to live!! I failed a ******** test. I can't sleep properly. I haven't slept for five ******** days. I have suicidal thoughts every now and again. I hurt myself. I don't cut... I fall. I fall and trip and run into things. Today, I stabbed myself with a pen -which was an accident- and didn't feel anything as they blood trickled down my leg. The ******** is with the holidays and my bi-polarness?! I mean... ******** seriously...

.... Who would miss me...? Who would really miss me...? Who would come see my funeral...? I don't give a ******** damn anymore. I hate my family. I hate my life. I hate my ******** heart. Such a traitor. She's sorry, I know, and I don't blame her... but my family is pressuring me too much. I'm a failure. I'm a ******** failure as a student. My family wants me to have a GPA of 3. ******** that! I try my hardest and what do I get?! 2.667!! I'm never gonna get into a good college! I'm never going to be a successful person! I'm going to be living on the streets, I know it! I'll be dying in an alley way and nobody will miss me! I'm never going to be able to live my dream! I can't ******** study! I can't... I don't know how! I... I just... I don't know anymore. I can't read so well. I can't... I can't read novels, I can't understand half of my classes, I'm failing my classes.....

I'm a failure.

Bullet to the brain...

Bam.

Squish.