So I go to a few websites about it, and I'm shocked to read on each and every one that most of the symptoms perfectly describe me.
Here, I have copied the list from WebMD, and have bolded the ones that I think scream "Catherine."
Quote:
- Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
- Dislike any changes in routines.
- Appear to lack empathy.
- Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Likewise, his or her speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.
- Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back."
- Avoid eye contact or stare at others.
- Have unusual facial expressions or postures.
- Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy. They may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.
- Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
- Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
- Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction.
- Your teen with Asperger's syndrome (like other teens) will want friends but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching other teens. He or she may feel "different" from others. Although most teens place emphasis on being and looking "cool," teens with Asperger's may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to fit in.
- Dislike any changes in routines.
- Appear to lack empathy.
- Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Likewise, his or her speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.
- Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back."
- Avoid eye contact or stare at others.
- Have unusual facial expressions or postures.
- Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy. They may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.
- Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
- Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
- Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory integration dysfunction.
- Your teen with Asperger's syndrome (like other teens) will want friends but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching other teens. He or she may feel "different" from others. Although most teens place emphasis on being and looking "cool," teens with Asperger's may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to fit in.
Oh, and another website said that children with Asperger's will line their toys up instead of playing with them. Guess who did that as a kid? Moi. gonk
I'm not saying I have Asperger's, because I probably don't, but then again reading this list and seeing so many described me added a LOT of stress to my day yesterday. And I found that, the more I tried to express my upsetness to my mom and sister, the less they could understand I was sad. Mostly they joked about it like it was silly and no big deal.
Anyway, It's one more reason why research has been detrimental to my state of well-being.
However, there is good news in all of this: I was researching Arvada High School today, the school my protagonist in my story Falling goes to, and I found out that Chris Sanders, the guy who directed Lilo and Stitch and How to Train Your Dragon, went there. So maybe researching hasn't been totally pointless after all.
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Some parts do seem to describe you, but I don't think you need to freak out about it. You're still Cat, no matter what descriptions you fit into. Even if you have Asperger's, it doesn't change you. You just have a fancy name for some of your characteristics.
Huh I just imagined this scene in my head
Cat- "I slapped you because I have Asperger's"
Ben- "Poor Catherine, I'm sorry"
See, perks! mrgreen
Eh, I guess you don't want to hear jokes right now, but the point remains...no matter what, no one is going to think of you differently now. You just get away with more stuff.
But seriously, I really think that you don't need to stress about it. If it's really bothering you, then think about this:
IF you have Asperger's, then doctors have discovered and identified it. That means that they probably know alot about it, so there may be medication if it really bothers you that much.
Despite that though, you've lived 16 years without knowing about it, so it shouldn't change how you live now.
And I can assure you that it changes nothing for me. You're still just Kat, no matter what.