i havent writtin in a while. a long while. and all i can say is things are getting worse by the second. poeple are coming and going to fast for my poor dead heart to heal. theres alwyas that ache in my chest reminding me that nothings perfect.... that the pain is always there. my mom has finally went down the deep end.the other day she ..................... she no longer cares.my father now alone cares for no one exceppt the opposite sex. wemon. (not including me) my sister is a wisp in the wind. shes floating farther and father away. gary is moving soon. probley to the coast. and my friends? i know your there. but why cant i find you? why do i seam so blind ,so .....................pathetic? theres not a night that i dont hold my head sobbing untill tears no longer come. i feel as if i try and try but its no longer good enough. as my mother said today" courtney when is sorry not enough anymore?" every happy song i hear. i cry. every little kid that see me screams "go away". every time i try smile to anyone, they turn up there mouths in to a half smile half grimace thinking..............god its her again. every night is the same night mare..............everyone i love exacuted before my eyes. there screams one by one percing my soul.god................. why cant i wake up? why cant i help people. why i cant i love ..........................good enough? why cant i remember things? yesterday i for got my reflecton. what i looked like. i ooled in the mirrror and was disgusted. all i can really say right now is..........its really pathetic how i hold on to something thats never coming back.
x-innocent_nightmare Community Member 
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