That we slowly realize we no longer know which one is real"
-I'm confused... it would have been better if I was confused because of some random idiotic things...But no. I'm Confused by my own self. As of now. I officially declare that I really don't know, nor understand who am I. Why? you might ask. Well because I contradict everything that I have, and when I realize that they really are no longer there or out of my life..I get scared and feel lonely. But when I still have them I disregard them and I don't care about them that much. It's like I'm greedy or something...and when I see somebody with them I get jealous and want them back. What's wrong with me?
I don't know why but that always happens. I control it.. but it always ends up in vain. Damn...
I think this will get worse and worse..but I can't stop it....
-Maybe because I'm fake? because I put up a front to everyone. that I smile to them even though I'm sad.Putting on a mask every single day to become stronger.But because of what I have done... I lost who I am. I didn't become any stronger. I became more scared. scared that someday someone will take off all that mask. and know who I am.... and I'm afraid when all that mask is gone. I will know how ugly I am.... I'm scared...I don't want to know...But I don't want to live in confusion because of me...I don't know what to do.
And because of that I cut connections with all the people I think will do me no good. but in reality I am the one who have sabotage my own life. It was me all along...
-And for that...I'm scared that I might end up with no one. with no friends to call, no family....Nothing... I'm scared and confused I don't know what to do....
~Well...One thing is for sure, I'll keep a log of it.
Good-bye then.. Cheerio! Got to go heart
