i wish for this endless week to end with not a sour note..but a peaceful one... The weeks have been long and felt even longer. Ive put my free time into helping my mother,but i feel its just not enough... mother thinks im over stressed and unable to keep up with things.. Well that may have been written on my forehead..but i still try to do what i can...even if im at the ends of jumping off a bridge i know that sometime something will come around and catch me. But one thing mother doesnt know,is how strong i am when she is not around... My brother and i,yea we fight...cant help it.. yea we tackle and scream at each other...cant help that either... may want to kill him will all powertools just around the corner...but i dont and i cant help but think to....Were just human...but mother thinks im not able to take the stress of everything.... i have for all my life on other issues! what makes this one any different!....
maybe because death is involved? because im entwined in this as well? or the fact one of the men in all this mess has hurt i and my brother deeply that my strength is not no more?(so she thinks..)...
i dont know anymore.... i just want this stress...this pain...all the madness...and worries all gone..... i miss smiling knowing nothing is wrong... i dont like the constant tears that fall easily now.. and i hate that now my confidence has fallen to where i have noticed it...
wow....all this nonsense in my journal...like it or not...confused or understand it... its just my rant and way to keep my self from crying out all ive said(typed/thought).. and you know what! im ready for bed...
maybe because death is involved? because im entwined in this as well? or the fact one of the men in all this mess has hurt i and my brother deeply that my strength is not no more?(so she thinks..)...
i dont know anymore.... i just want this stress...this pain...all the madness...and worries all gone..... i miss smiling knowing nothing is wrong... i dont like the constant tears that fall easily now.. and i hate that now my confidence has fallen to where i have noticed it...
wow....all this nonsense in my journal...like it or not...confused or understand it... its just my rant and way to keep my self from crying out all ive said(typed/thought).. and you know what! im ready for bed...
