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MJ, get things right. We like YOU. You're our friend, not your sis. Sure, she's..unique but we prefer you. And of course juniour school captain is based on popularity, every vote in junior schools are popularity based. But they'll learn as they grow up. And really, i do know to an extent what it feels like. I'm always being told when I grow up, I absoultely must pay my brothers and sisters back for my school fees. Whatever I do, like say art, I get a "Oh that's nice. Can we throw it way now?" Or some sort of critisim. I made mum a cross-stitch heart once. Worked on it for month. Know what she said? "These lines are straight. It's a heart, right? Then it should be curved." Needless to say she didn't like it. My clay work gets called junk, andy drawings are bad enough that mum can draw better, even though she admits I'm more talented at that then her. As to being invisible, I'm always the last one of my family to know things. Although, since....school has started, I've been getting more attention. It's to do with mum being in the hospital. Some people don't seem to get that I don't want to go sometimes because I don't wand my childhood memories of mum turn into old mum with no hair from Chemotherapy and who could die soon. I know it's selfish of me but every time I go, I have to bite back tears. the inevitable thoughts come to me.

What if she dies? What will happen to us then? How is dad going be? How could I live without her?

I'm not typing for pity. I just need to get it out. I need to sort out my feelings. I'll go to my journal instead.

honestly isi, don't call me MJ!!! u kno i hate it... anyway im the same as you, i get critisized on my art not that its my fault that it might turn out bad, (stupid paint) but i always have to fight back my tears, whenever i get critisized i remember bad memories which really are depressing. honestly im just going to try do my best this year without stuffing up. hoping that i can make at least a bit of improvement.

and im sorry isi, about ur mum(honestly i really want to type it as mom for some reason) and i also need to get it out of my system too. thats why its my dream to be able to go to a big grassy hills with blue skies like the background for windows xp. hehe rolleyes

Yeah, that be nice. Roling hills, blue sky, two defined colours and nothing in between. Everything straight forward.. Mom? Boy you're wierd. Too americanised. As tot he Mj note, I can'ted to call you by your name. That was the closest I got. Or would have preffered The cuteness??? rolleyes

What honestly made you think that junior school captain was based on anything other then popularity? The only reason I ran in JS was so on speech night i got the little sign saying Miss N Martin. That would be cool.
And BTW I want to escape somewhere exotic overseas. Maybe London. Or America. You can come if you want. I have no idea what I want to be either so that makes two of us.