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Okay, so I pretty much feel like I HAVE to write this or I'm gonna explode.

I was just working on my English assignment due tomorrow, and I started thinking about all the friends I've had and lost over time. And just how much I've changed as a person.

I mean... WOW. Things have really changed, haven't they?

I'm an only child, so I never really had a friend until I started school. When I was in preschool, I remember I made friends with a girl named... oh geez. I forgot your name, I'm so incredibly sorry. I *think* it was Mary-something. I just remember it was very mainland-ish. She was a cute, tiny blonde haired blue eyed girl who had a parent in the military and went to Christian preschool with me. I doubt she remembers me. If she does by some chance ever read this, even though it's less than one in a million, if you ever went to a christian pre school in Hawaii and you remember a girl who liked to swing on the swing sets and got into trouble for punching a boy in the stomach for picking on you, that was me.

I remember another girl too. Also blonde haired and blue eyed. I didn't like her much. All I remember was she wore blue and liked to pull her wavy hair into ponytails. And she followed me. A LOT. I think I helped her or something, so she followed me. But... I didn't want to be her friend. I don't remember why. I think it was just because I thought she was too clingy.

And then... one day the swing set and Mary and the clingy girl and everyone... all of them were gone. I was picked up and told from now on I was a big girl, and I was going to elementary school. I had actually had the suspicion in my head from earlier in the day. At school if you were going away on your last day you would get a lei of paper flowers. Everyone got one before they left and we all said goodbye. My teacher asked me if I wanted my lei but I was confused and told her I wasn't leaving. And then when my grandma picked me up and told me I wasn't coming back... I was so angry. I never got to see Mary again, and I never got my paper lei, and I never got to swing on the swing set one last time.

In kindergarten I made a couple more friends, but we grew apart over time. Last I saw them one of them doesn't seem to recall we were best friends, and the other just is into different things than I am. Thinking back, that first friend, people liked her a lot more than me. I could be a know it all a lot when I was little, and she wasn't. So people liked her more. Once I even ran against her to be class rep, but she won, of course. She was more organized and nicer to a lot of people.

In first grade I was friends with a girl, S, but she wasn't really my friend. Only if I did her work for her and stuff. She left after that year. I still wonder what happened to her sometimes.

I was nice in my own way, though. Eventually I made friends with the girls people didn't always like. But they were always kind of mean to each other.

I remember... in fifth grade there was a group of us. J, E, K, and C. I'd never liked C much, ever since kindergarten. We never got along. E and I would fight on and off. K was nice, we never fought, but we never hung out much either. J would always take E's side. I also remember I had another friend, my partner from safety patrol. We hung out sometimes. Thinking back, I should have spent more time with her. She and I never fought, but she was a better friend than all the other girls. I ran into her again recently, and she remembered me. I'm glad.

When I was in sixth grade, my friends mostly thought I was annoying. I didn't realize it then, but now I do. Although, I think a few did like me for who I was. There were also a few friends I made when I first started math team. Purple was one of them. We stayed friends for a long time.

In middle school I made friends with Luna. I think she and I will be friends forever, because we stay in touch no matter what. All my other friends from that time, Purple, Gurl, Crystal, MNW, and Wishes, we don't talk as much. I haven't seen MNW or Wishes since they moved away... I can't remember the last time I talked to the others. I wish we could talk more often now, but it's been a long time and we've all gone our own way. I really want to talk again, though.

I've never had a group of friends close to the ones I was with in middle school. We were all close through practically everything. They were my main group of friends... I've never made friends like that again.

Now I have different groups of friends. Some of them even hate each other. There's the group I eat lunch with, the group that likes anime too, my guy friends, the group I eat lunch with, the groups I'm in clubs with... I'm not saying I don't love them too, it's just really different. I miss the group of friends I had in middle school. We all liked each other and got along... I guess maybe it had to end, though.

Geez... now I'm crying. Well, I don't know what this accomplished other than making me cry and wasting half an hour of precious time to do homework. I guess it did do some other stuff too but... not right now. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I think this helped me, just not right now.

I guess I'll make this a public entry, just for the heck of it. But whatever.