You ever have something that no matter what happens, it's something that your family always does? Well I deffinitely do!
I frankly think that if I can't be honest enough to tell the world what my life is really like, then I'm not a trustworthy person. I mostly share these things with friends, but at this point. I don't give a damn!
All my life, no matter the situation or the cause. One way or another, someone has to get pissed off and start some kind of fight! And I don't mean one of those silly fights you might have with your sibling, or something easily forgiven like that.
No, this is one of those, rip my heart out and stomp on it things. Because that is just what each and every fight made me feel like. And it hasn't gotten better over the years, if anything, it's worse. Much worse.
Before the fights used to be about simple things, or things that only was between my parents. But I was only a child, I didn't know any better. I just thought that was how all families were.
Over the years, I've learned just how wrong I was. Yes, I understand that there are people out there going through things worse than myself and my little corner of the world.
Frankly, I'm not worth more than maybe two square feet of breathing space. And I still think that's pushing it.
My heart has been broken so many times over the years, I don't even care to try picking up the peices. Because, in the end. It'll only end up shatterd once again.
Still I cling to the hope that no matter what happens to me or how hurt I may be. That my family can still survive.
My dad brought up a very important point tonight, during his blame trip. That I haven't done a single thing to make a difference. And he's right.
No matter how much I try, or what I asspire to do one day. The fact of the matter is, I haven't made one real difference at all. I don't have a reason to exist, other than to work myself to death. So that I can give my parents every penny that I make.
Because, I feel that even if I were to try and take my life somewhere, it would all lead to nothing. Everytime I try to excell, or do something life changing. I always end up failing, so I should just give up, shouldn't I?
I am a very depressed and worthless creature anyway. Although I am greatful for those of you who have befriended me, I will always treasure such kindness. Because those are truely, the only thing keeping me alive.
Anyway, this is just a roundabout thing about my feelings. But here they are all the same. This is all I have to express what I truely feel.
Well then, goodnight everyone.
OokamiValkire Community Member 
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