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AnnaBear R. Anonymous's Journal
name says it all.
heart to heart
[a girl walks into the bathroom, turning to face the mirror. each time she replies to herself her facial expression changes, as to represent another side of her.]

1: anna, you really need to figure yourself out.
2: i know. ;_; i'm just not sure how to yet.
1: perhaps you should write your thoughts down?
2: that would work. it's just...things are so complicated, that when i write them down i keep going back and forth and all over the place and it makes me realize how unorganized and messy my mind gets.
1: what's wrong with that?
2: it kinda really bugs me that they're so out of order.
1: yeah, well, you just jump around everywhere. it's who you are.
2: gross.
1: what?
2: am i that...messy?
[her reflection shrinks]
1: well, look at your room, your desk, and your binder. it's not MESSY, exactly, just... organized in a cluttered way. like a jar full of random buttons.
2: i guess.
1: you gotta figure yourself out.
2: i think it'd be spiffy if i had more friends at school.
1: so make some!
2: hey, it's harder than you think D: as an eighth grader i wasn't afraid to talk to anyone. but now that i'm a freshman, i feel really stupid for talking to strangers. it's almost like sixth grade all over again.
1: butbut sixth grade was terrible ;___;
2: okay fine i guess it's not that bad. i don't walk home alone. i have people to hang out with if i want to.
1: maybe you're cutting yourself off from everyone.
2: they bug me >< the girls are so weird. they cling to their friends. the ones that don't i guess intimidate me, and i can't really imagine them being friends with someone so currently high-strung as me.
1: i think it is insane how crazy and hyper and outgoing you can act compared to what you feel.
2: yeah i don't get the hyper thing o_o any jokes i make are automatic. that's what happens when you hang out with the love of your life n___n
1: matt is so cool <3
2: I KNOOOOW
[a pause]
1: maybe you should sort yourself out? i mean...look at yourself as a puzzle, and then put yourself together?
2: how @_@ there are so many pieces!! i can't even keep track of them.
1: if you think about it long enough won't you be able to sort them by category?
2: probably. i'm not sure how i'll find the time for that, though, when i have to go to school, and have oodles of homework (blarh AP human geo), and hang out with some internet friends.
1: then take away time at school and from hanging out with internet friends. go on a walk.
2: erg i can't go on a walk. -_- silly boiz.
1: yeah i'm sick of them too. two of them, anyway. the third one's nice.
2: three! perhaps i can time my walk so none of them, even the third one, will come out and want to join me.
1: or, you know, you could just say "hey i wanna walk alone".
2: but then they assume something's wrong and feel obligated to walk with me D:
1: GAHHH PEOPLE ARE SO WEIRD O_O
2: I KNOOOOOOOW
1: you should figure out some kind of system that you can use in order to deal with them.
2: ...develop social skills?!
1: *gasp*
2: *GASP*
1: ...that /does/ sound pretty scary.
2: maybe. how hard can it be?
[silence.]
2: okay, yeah, that was a terrible question.
1: it's okay.
2: rawr. i really wish i knew how to approach people better though.
1: yeah. you gotta figure out what you're doing wrong though first, what you're doing that scares them away.
2: i'm not sure >< i'm kind of afraid just being myself scares them away.
1: why can you get along with people so well over the internet and totally PHAIL irl?
2: cassi said something along the lines of people that used the internet thought differently orrrrr whatever.
1: i guess. how can you find people at school that really REALLY use the internet?
2: how should i know?!
1: maybe you can't D:
2: this is so complicated.
1: yeah. maybe you should just keep doing what you're doing.
2: ...alone.
1: it's not like you have any REAL choices. you /could/ go with a group, but would that really be a smart thing to do?
2: nah. i don't fit in with them. it's like....only one side of the puzzle piece fits, but the rest is totally different.
1: exactly. watch out for yourself first.
2: i've been doing that. i'm kind of getting really lazy and sick of it. i want to watch out for someone else, and also know that that person has my back when i need them.
1: that's hard to find D:
2: i knoooooow. when i think i got it i realize that i only have the former, and not the latter.
1: what about that third boy mentioned earlier((teehee no names))?
2: ...i'm not sure.
1: well befriend him!
2: he's super hard to read D: i can't tell if i annoy him or if he likes to be alone.
1: those both kind of go in the same category....
2: that just makes things even more complicated.
1: dood boiz are not supposed to be complicated.
2: I KNOOOOOW. it must be me being a girl, then.
1: WELL KNOCK IT OFF
2: BUT I LIKE BEING A GIRL
1: STOP BEING SO GIRL-ISH AND STOP WORRYING
2: FINE
1: FINE.
[reflection gets back to normal size]
[pause]
2: so...i just...stop thinking so much about it?
1: duh. same conclusion as every other time.
2: i wish something new would happen.
1: not much you can do there.
2: i knooooooow.
1: go take yer shower, and get ready for the day.
2: that sounds...climatic.
1: every day builds up to something bigger.
2: okay now you're just being kinda creepy like an inspirational video.
1: orly.
2: yarly.
1: i see.
2: hmm. *strokes imaginary beard*
[she leaves. reflection stays]
reflection: daaang, i'm glad i only exist sometimes! *disappears*
[end]


Anna Godly
Community Member
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