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	. Inner ramblings.
	. Inner ramblings.

	Behaviour
	Behaviour


Psych Notes; Source Coping Mechanisms Emotional Intelligence Responsibility Emotional Intelligence means taking primary responsibility for your own emotions and happiness. You cannot say that others “made” you feel the way you feel. Although they may be instrumental, the responsibility is yours, just as if you kill someone, there is no argument that says that someone else made you do it. CM_Valyn · Sun Aug 23, 2009 @ 07:50am · 2 Comments


CM_Valyn Community Member «Prev \| Next» Archive \| Home [08/29/24 10:37pm] [09/22/18 04:57am] [11/26/14 09:29am] [09/05/14 05:20am] [11/19/13 08:50am] [11/13/13 07:30am] [11/08/13 03:50am] [11/04/13 05:20pm] [11/03/13 05:26am] [10/29/13 08:07am]

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	Predictability Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future. Value exchange Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you. Delayed reciprocity Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future. So what? Beware of taking advantage of a trust that is not constantly verified. You may gain some advantage for a while, but if you are tipped over the cliff of betrayal, it's a long and hard fight back through the arid desert in which many perish. LOW TRUST RESPONSES Hedging Hedging is placing a bet elsewhere, such that if the current situation fails, you have more than a straw to clutch at. For example, in negotiation, developing a walk-away alternative action allows you to ‘walk the line’, knowing that you have a safety net, should you not reach agreement. The problem with hedges is that they are distracting, both in terms of the work required to develop them and also in that they can start to appear even more interesting than the current work. This results in people putting not only putting less effort into the current work, but they may also leave altogether. Distancing If I do not trust a person, a simple approach is to minimize my contact with them. By standing back and not getting involved, I minimize the risk of betrayal or other impacts of trust failure. When a person is distancing themselves from their domain of work, they are not fully engaged and even though they may be occupied in useful work 100% of their time, they are not contributing to their full potential. Quitting An extreme form of distancing is to leave the stage. If I feel that the distrust that has built up prevents me from doing my job in a satisfactory way, then I always have the option of leaving. Leaving can mean finding another job within the company or even leaving the company for other shores. It also is a form of retribution, as the distrusted party is then left without my skills, and their lack trustworthiness may be exposed for all to see (especially if I leave with a few choice words in the right quarter). Focusing By clarifying what I do and (often more importantly) what I do not do, I can send an unequivocal signal that pre-empts any criticism of my not doing tasks which are not my job. This also allows me to focus on building my competencies and proofs of competence in the defined area. Also, if I ‘wear the hat’ of my role in interacting with others, I can hide my vulnerable human persona behind my assertive professional face. Alliances If I do not trust you, I may decide to gang up with some other people who also have low trust in you. Such low-trust groups may collaboratively hedge or distance, magnifying the negative effects of these approaches. I may also seek alliances with people who can add more beneficial elements, such as representing my achievements to you in a more positive light. Trust-building A generally more positive approach is to deliberately act to increase trust. If I act in a trusting manner, then you may well feel obliged or motivated to act in a trustworthy manner. I can also act in trustworthy ways, such as always keeping my word, completing tasks on time, maintaining high integrity in conversations, etc. Offline CM_Valyn · Community Member · Sun Aug 23, 2009 @ 07:53am


	Love is a massive motivator and can lead people to perform all kinds of self-sacrificial acts. Foundation of relationships (stenberg?) * Intimacy: Closeness to, and liking of, the other person. * Passion: Intense longing and physiological arousal. Ecstasy on reciprocation, despair on rejection. * Commitment: The readiness to do anything for the sake of the love. These combine to create seven styles: * Liking: Intimacy alone * Infatuation: Passion alone * Empty love: Commitment alone * Romantic love: Passion + Intimacy. * Companionate love: Intimacy + Commitment * Fatuous love: Passion + Commitment * Consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment The games of love are played on six different stages, and individuals will have preferred modes (Lee): * Eros: Passionate and physical. Looks are important. * Ludus: love as a non-serious game. Harm is not intended but often happens. * Storge: slow-growing, evolving out of friendship and affection. Similarity is important. * Pragma: Commonsense and pragmatic. Known conditions must be met. * Mania: An emotional roller-coaster. Stereotyped romantic love. * Agape: Unselfish and giving. Spiritual and other-focused. Peterson and Seligman reduce love to three prototypical forms: * Romantic love * A child’s love for a parent * A parent’s love for a child Love can be viewed as a form of transference whereby one person puts a part of themself into another person and then feeling lost without that part, and subsequently feeling whole again when they relate to that person. Offline CM_Valyn · Community Member · Sun Aug 23, 2009 @ 08:09am

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