August 10, 2009 Monday Time: Cannot recall: Late: Sometime before 12:19AM; August 11, 2009
My dearest Sennyo,
For the first time, I feel, I think, I was saddened by an episode of InuYasha. It was titled in the dub, 'Tsubaki's Unrelenting Curse'. Higurashi Kagome-san was put under a curse and she fell unconscious, Her mind slipped away back into her world where everyone thought she was mad, talking about fuedal-era things and InuYasha, and she eventually began to forget about those people. She wondered who she was, what she was doing there, and— was it all just a dream? She encountered the modern selves of her companions and even Kikyo, whom she did not remember. Kikyo then asked her after Kagome had fired an arrow (and misses the center) at the archery range after being drawn to it by the sound of an arrow striking a target. Kikyo asked her who she was, was she her? If so, she might kill InuYasha again.
InuYasha?
Alas, I cannot recall what happens. However, she awakens with strength in her heart to overcome the curse, more or less, and strives to help InuYasha and her companions and defeat the evil Tsubaki.
My point is; was it all just a dream? This life I created with you, with Them. No longer does my heart skip a beat at the chance to create new life with you, if that may be called life in an ironic way. No longer does my heart ( I may no longer say hearts, may I? Can I...) fall so easily for others. I'm tired of dreaming. I can only hope that I will one day wake up. But, dearest, was it really a dream? Because...because, I remember being awake and creating you, at times. Or, was that all a dream? I have seen Cowboy Bebop: Knockin' at Heaven's Door. The movie. Dreams. My dream fades with each passing day. Even if it is regained for a short while, it is compensated by the doubling of its decline.
Watashi no raison d'etre; no longer finishing your story, our story, is it?
Watashi no raison d'etre; to finish reading the rest of another's story.
It is not a story (so far as I can feel, tell, and see) in the way that your story was mine, but the way that my story is seen online. A fanfiction. I await his ending, he has already told me it, but he's such a capable writer that I still await it.
Such a pitiful way to continue living. This pathetic excuse to stow you and Them under the Emptiness in my heart (no longer hearts, is it? Is this or is this not denial?) Pathetic, frail, a weakling, pitiful, denying, blind, ignorant, terrible, horrible, cruel; all these things that I am.
_____-kun? Where are you? Where are you in my heart? No longer do I feel you. Feel you around me. Feel you surrounding me. Embracing me. Holding me. Within me. Where are you? Where is everyone else?
Where is my dream?
Where is my reality?
This isn't what I wanted my reality to be!....
Forgive me, Sennyo. Please, forgive me... everyone.
August 11, 2009 12:40AM
[End Log]
Poison Fairy Sennyo Community Member 
|
|
