Ignoring every
t e m p t a t i o n...
t e m p t a t i o n...
So yeah. Got back from music camp last night. This morning I went outside and talked to my dad on various subjects. He straight-out asked me why I always refuse to come up to his music nights with the neighbors every Friday. The only reason I have is that it is usually half music night and half drinking session. So I told him it was the environment. The fact that he's drinking.
Of course he guilt-trips me. Not as much as my mom does on certain things, but enough. I ******** hate it. I hate the fact that whenever I'm sort of upset about something, I can feel myself tearing up. I hate being so ******** weak about it and I hate the fact that I have almost no control over it. I. hate. it.
You know, the only thing I really want my dad to do is to quit drinking. I would talk to him about it. I spend so much time thinking about talking to him about it. But I can't do it. Not without ******** crying through whole thing and being unable to speak.
I put up so much frigging s**t from my family sometimes. I think it's hilarious that I'm so much sadder when I'm home, sometimes. I can't wait until I can drive because then I can make up so many excuses to get out of the house. I'll be able to go to friends' houses. Get stuff at the grocery store. Go see a play. Whatever. I don't like being around the house sometimes because of how stupid my family is sometimes. My brother and mom argue way too much over stupid little things and it pisses me off so much. I hate it when people argue. I can't stand it. It makes so upset. I just want curl up into a ball and disappear.
And while written emo entries like this make me feel better in one way, I always feel self-absorbed about it. I feel so bitchy and whiny that I have to put out a journal entry for everyone to see. I hope you don't pity me. I really don't deserve your pity. Don't feel bad for me. I am being dead serious here. I am a whiny teenager who is just being emo and self-absorbed. The emotions I'm feeling are not real, just a product of hormones and a need for attention. My opinion is not valid; I'm just a kid.
Yeah.
Of course he guilt-trips me. Not as much as my mom does on certain things, but enough. I ******** hate it. I hate the fact that whenever I'm sort of upset about something, I can feel myself tearing up. I hate being so ******** weak about it and I hate the fact that I have almost no control over it. I. hate. it.
You know, the only thing I really want my dad to do is to quit drinking. I would talk to him about it. I spend so much time thinking about talking to him about it. But I can't do it. Not without ******** crying through whole thing and being unable to speak.
I put up so much frigging s**t from my family sometimes. I think it's hilarious that I'm so much sadder when I'm home, sometimes. I can't wait until I can drive because then I can make up so many excuses to get out of the house. I'll be able to go to friends' houses. Get stuff at the grocery store. Go see a play. Whatever. I don't like being around the house sometimes because of how stupid my family is sometimes. My brother and mom argue way too much over stupid little things and it pisses me off so much. I hate it when people argue. I can't stand it. It makes so upset. I just want curl up into a ball and disappear.
And while written emo entries like this make me feel better in one way, I always feel self-absorbed about it. I feel so bitchy and whiny that I have to put out a journal entry for everyone to see. I hope you don't pity me. I really don't deserve your pity. Don't feel bad for me. I am being dead serious here. I am a whiny teenager who is just being emo and self-absorbed. The emotions I'm feeling are not real, just a product of hormones and a need for attention. My opinion is not valid; I'm just a kid.
Yeah.
Only to destroy my sanity
