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So, Near just reminded me what day it was... I tried to block it out the best I could.. but I guess I'm just no good at blocking things out... Near's oldest brother Brody was murdered a few years ago today... Out of all of her brothers.. I was closest to him... He always had my back.. and I feel like I'm the one who got him killed... ******** drugs will do that.. he was going to score some dope and yeah... after that i don't really remember what happened.. it's a blur and i'm thankful for that... the grief and the guilt that i felt isn't really something i want to remember too much... worst part is... i still feel some of it.. like right now.. I wish i could take that day back.. i wish i would've went with him.. i would've taken that bullet for him.. he really was one of my heros.. still is... i just don't really have the words for what i'm feeling righ tnow.