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I want to die. I want to kill myself, to see my eyes roll back in my head, to see blood ooze from my mouth and chest. I want to be reborn. I wish I had never been born. Life will only get worse for me, I fear. I'm looking at the giant container of aspirin and the other medicines around my room. I'm considering. I'm waiting. I'm watching. I'm listening. I want to do well in my studies, I truly do. But I'm just so very unhappy. Everyday, both moring and night, I am reminded of how much my parents hate me. They've told me it... to my face, even when they were calm, so please, don't tell me they don't really hate me. I know they do. I hate them too. I think too much about murders and suicides. I've become another puppet of the idiot box. I fear no God for I feel as though I have risen above all man. I am in a state of Purgatory. I feel nothing except the walls of my existence being torn down by the demons who have haunted my life, exposing themselves in nightmares and flashbacks. A belt. A knife. A hand. A bruise. A walk. A pair of glasses. An angry face. All have become parts of my life. I want to push everyone away... everyone. Just for everyone to leave me alone and let me rot away in this shell of an existence. Nothing makes me happy, I'm sure that if I was given a chance to kill everyone in the world... I would. I know this sounds radical, but I only know such a small portion of people. I only know the others as numbers. I would weep for my friends. But not for anyone else. I have become cold... heartless. I just wish someone would care... someone who could do something about my life. I just wish I was dead
 amour_et_paix_enfant · Wed Dec 14, 2005 @ 12:50am · 3 Comments |
