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im not sure if i want anyone to read this, but im taking a chance, putting my self out there
and praying that opening up a little more wont end up causing a knife to plunge through the open hole of my outer shield.
cause thats all it is.
a shield.
a shield to protect the second me
im positive that no one knows it or has met it
because its getting harder and harder to find,
to seperate it from the outter me.
the outter me is bledding, seeping in to the second person,
corrupting it.
now im starting to hate myself even more for that,
but im so used to that feeling,
hating myself,
its become numbness,
another part of me thats died.

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*sigh*
i hate to complain about my problems
because they seem so small when i see my friends issues.
so i put on my mask, i smile, do my best to help them
because it would help me if i could,
and say "ok" when they ask how i am.
just another lie.
i know i have a good life,
when u see it from the surface,
but me,
...
like i said, i dont wanna complain.

i admit, i have better moments,
but recently,
its getting harder to remember what it was like to be really happy.
yeah, i laugh when i hear a joke because its funny,
but laughter only lasts for a moment,
that doesn't make me happy.
truly happy.
maybe im just a wimp and u dod think i complain,
but im trying
trying to get better
trying to be happy
trying to be the person i wanna be
and most important,
im trying to help my friends