Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I was thinking about something that happened a few months ago. It wasn't anything too important. A small event that manages to keep nagging in the back of my mind. Now I think I understand what the problem was.

Months ago, somebody contacted me out of the blue - via profile comments. Nothing out of the ordinary, though I could have reacted more smoothly. The person eventually came to a point at which they - very casually - brought up how much they liked the same musical/etc interests that they saw I liked via my profile.

A small event, yes?

But I got angry. Frustrated. People do this all the time. The wording I used was something along the lines of "People desperately clinging to start conversation! What do they want, some kind of real relationship? I'll never meet them! Why do they try?"

Now I'm trying to focus on the very clear problem that I had, and my thoughts are jumbling a bit. I don't understand why this is such an issue for me. I'm having a bit of trouble finding the words to put this thought out.

It shouldn't be a problem to talk about your real life issues with people online. That's one very common thing that people do. They talk about the things they did that day - their job - their friends. It's suppose to be fun. So why does it annoy me so much whenever so many people try to do this with me?

Because I use Gaia as an escape. An escape from my day - my job - my friends - my life. I leave it all out when I am here. I want none of what happens in my life to come through here - and none of what I do here to fade into my life.

But now it's bothering me. It shouldn't be, but it is. For some reason I want to share my actual life with friends online. It's bothering me that I can't. These people that I know on Gaia - what they think shouldn't matter. Why do I care that if they knew more about me personally, they'd hate me? The thought is laughable. But it does matter..

So what should I do. I could take a few months to 'open the gates' and see how that goes. Or find some other way to be myself without people who 'matter' knowing. But that is a sad thought that I would rather not resort to. I think I will go on a limb and try the former.