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so here's my post yay...
so to those who for God knows why want to know how things are? well here it is
I just stayed on the phone with my best friend again even though he was being a jerk and yelling at me for repeating his name when he kept falling asleep on me then hangs up on me and for God knows why I feel bad about it like i really did something wrong.
Then my so called "sis" or w/e has been the ONLY person i've attempted to go the extra mile for this year, give her attention especially when she obviously DOESN'T deserve it, letting her take me down with her comments smiling on the outside only, spending ever minute with her trying to..i guess...prove that she's worth something..because even though I know she knows it's the best problem to have to get attention..get others to believe you TRULY think you're worthless when you KNOW that's not true but it will get you the needed ego hugs you want. but w/e I take the bait, but she doesn't care. it's aj she wants the attention from so everyday she gets pissed about something and when there's no logical excuse i'm involved LOL like when she BIT me and I pulled away cause I didn't want her to do it again and she YELLS at ME!!! XDD in FRONT of aj of course because i'm SO bad..i HURT her "delicate" feelings....and no..doesn't end there....she has this thing about "not calling" people right?? and when I dint call her she gets upset....she lacks the obligation to call me it's MY JOB ...but wanna know who she will call and practically GLOAT about talking to? yep aj n.n
GOD I could right a novel on every little thing she unconsciously does to hurt me but w/e...IDC xD cause wanna know what she said to me??
this convo right here
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
*small tug* are you there..?
Lin says:
yep
Lin says:
n.n
Lin says:
sup?
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i just told jesse bout aj
Lin says:
n?
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and im crying and he was crying.. hes comming over tomorrow
Lin says:
k
Lin says:
so i suppose..it's ok now? since he's coming over
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
no hes comming cuz i need to talk to him about it face to face
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i dont know whats going to happen
Lin says:
O.o
Lin says:
it's not like u and aj have done anything
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
yeah but the feeling is there
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and to jesse thats.. he is very fragile
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i really do care about him just hearing him hurt made hurt so much
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
but i need more attention and stability than he can provide right now
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
he was torn and i made it happen..
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
but anyway.. you dont want to hear about it so im jsut gunna..go.. try to calm down.. homework.. ttyl
Lin says:
O.O
Lin says:
O.o
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
..not like your best friend is falling apart inside lol
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
but yeah you got enough problems of your own
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
ill figure it out
Lin says:
but i care about u more
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
is that why ever since i told you i liked aj youve been like on my throat about everything? *sigh*
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
just.. i can feel it
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i can feel your ager towards me
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and ir hurts
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
everytime we do something or argue about something small
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
its there
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and i feel it
Lin says:
well it hurts me more than u know..but i really dont care about it i care about my friend ship more but lately it just feels i'm always cmpeting for your friend ship..like this morning..u left me to hang with aj..because tiem with him makes u happier than time with me...and i didn't want to see him in the mornings anymore..i want to ignore him..to get over the feeling..and cease our argumentd
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
best friends arent supposed to be like that.. i would hurt if you went out with aj but i wouldnt take it out on you, id be happy around you and id be happy that youre happy
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i left cuz i feel uncomfortable around you lin
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i honestly feel like you want to rip my throat out lately
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
im not feeling how much you care about me
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
though i know you do
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
im just tired of that feeling
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
cuz i dont want it to get in between our friendship
Lin says:
so me spending as much time as i possibly can caring if your eating or not drawing picamatures for u smiling for u when i'm torn apart inside biting my tongue everytime u hurt my feelings...and u dont feel i CARE?
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i dont feel it cuz youre so angry at me
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
you try to do nice things and believe me i know you care and i appreciate it
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i really do lin
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
but those nice things are mostly tainted with anger towards me
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and thats what makes me feel uncomfortable
Lin says:
if you're really that dense and uncomfortable then u can distance yourself from me for awhile
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and i dont wanna not say anything about it.. i feel like maybe if you know how i feel you might change it
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
lin thats not it
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i dont want to do that
Lin says:
but ur!
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i just wanna go back to the old days in where you werent so angry at me
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
im doing it cuz of how i feel not because i want to
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and other times i suck it up and im there for you
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i dont even say anything anymore
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
im not even saying anything anymore
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
i dont wanna argue
Lin says:
*shakes head* if u only knew..*sighs*
Lin says:
alright then
Lin says:
<3
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
if i only knew what? how horrible i must seem to you?
Lin says:
*shakes head no*
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
listen were both going through hard times lin
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
we both are
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
so please dont let your anger get to our friendship
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
its probably the only thing that can make us feel better
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
each other
Lin says:
the thing is jackie
Lin says:
i wasn't
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
you probably werent on purpose
Lin says:
i'm mad at aj not mad at u
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
but god lin
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
well then stop saying every word to me filled with so much.. idk what it is.. poison..it hurts
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
cuz it feels like youre mad at me
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
its getting to the point to where im fearing for our friendship
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and i dont want us not to be friends anymore
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
youre so nice to him..and them me its like ... i can literally feel the anger
Lin says:
jackie i've felt harsher anger towards u and it's not gunna happen i've put up with alot and frankly i don't give a s**t about aj he's a ******** man and you should do the same because i should be more important to u you're my best friend and i'll always love u as such u have no IDEA how much pain i'm going through i haven't told u anything about what's really been happening. it's not poison or an
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
and i dont mean to snap at you back or hurt you, but i cant take that kind of treatment when i know that is there and youre prettending we're okay..
Lin says:
ger towards u and pain and hurt because i feel my own best friend finds guys more important than her sister
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
that is not true
[[ K i k i ]] ... ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ... says:
please dont feel like it is
Lin says:
i'm going to bed
one of the "harsher things" i was talking about was when pj and i were dating for a few months she wrote a story about him touching her all over and rubbed it in my face and then she ALSO remains best friends with the people who HURT me and runs to them if i'm not the perfect friend for her. she makes me feel i have to kiss her ******** feet or she'll stop being my friend and run to them....
anyways...
sad huh?? cause i "apparently" DONT CARE ABOUT HER
and about aj well yep i'm upset at him
cause he's started to ignore me and it hurt because i've liked him for 3 years and we finally got close he said I was cute told jackie he considered dating me in the future..so i asked him to the dance and he was happy and was gunna go but had to work and PROMISED the next dance he'd go...
then recently this is his atitude towards me
(this is the ending of the message it begins where i highlighted it)
how so?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: [~squishy~x0x-Zombie_Killer-x0x~marshmallow~]
Date: Dec 4, 2008 8:34 PM
yeah right n.n
not according to jackie xD
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: AJ
Date: Dec 4, 2008 8:33 PM
Linnea, you are a great person! i just don't think it would work lin.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: [~squishy~x0x-Zombie_Killer-x0x~marshmallow~]
Date: Dec 4, 2008 8:31 PM
it's fine..
i didn't really think you'd go with me..anyways
..i'm just a lin
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: AJ
Date: Dec 4, 2008 8:28 PM
i just...i think your a great person linnea, but i just don't think i could like you more then just a friend. i don't want to be mean about it, but i just don't think it would work.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: [~squishy~x0x-Zombie_Killer-x0x~marshmallow~]
Date: Dec 4, 2008 8:25 PM
oh...
..why?
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: AJ
Date: Dec 4, 2008 8:20 PM
no lin...im sorry.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: [~squishy~x0x-Zombie_Killer-x0x~marshmallow~]
Date: Dec 4, 2008 6:19 PM
hey lin has a question xD
um um um
r u going to go with me to tolo? since it's the next dance (just curious)
>.>
<.<
caaaaause
if so *needs to buy ticket and possibly white dress*
lol
so yeah!
lemme know k n.n
*smiles cutely*
ttyl
so yeah ..and jackie did warn me that he was starting this "theory" cause so many people liked him that he's distancing himself, well yeah. she was right. and what she doesn't know was i was there when he was talking to chelsea before jackie was at school and chelsea asked about him about the prob w/ jackie and he said he apologized for ignoring her and chelsea got kinda ticked about it so he replied with dont worry i'm still distancing myself and iunno what that deal was but..i soon tuned it out. lol
but if i told her it would hurt her and even though i've finally pushed to the edge I refuse to purposfully hurt anyone's feelings no matter how they treat me.
(new mini rant)
so i still have a thing for my first love who doesn't treat me the same and makes me feel like he's hiding things from me. I wish he knew he didn't have to unless it's a girl..thing which i really dont want to hear but prefer hearing than finding out on my own..except for when he talks "joking" about dating my friends or relatives which hurts me SUPER ******** bad but..it's just how he is and i'm the only person who puts up with it why? because i'm a push over lin and it's just why we're such good friends we work well together and even though he's a jerk i love him with all my heart and...wouldn't change him for the world...*looks up in though*
but..he does in fact work hard and have it rough so...*smiles lightly* it's only fair i allow him something...he does give me everything (points to avi)
anyways...that's just a mini rant cause he recently upset me..but..it's ok...<3
hmm...my mother has been getting into my business and hurt me bad the other day. she told me i couldn't go over to my friends house because last time i went over to someones house bad things happened and soon lawyers were involved!! so because of something that WASNT my fault that makes me cry EVERYTIME IT'S BROUGHT UP that makes me ASHAMED to look in the mirror i cant have a life. i'm NOT allowed to hang with my friends without my mother it just...sucks..she never lets me out of the house and i seem to get put down everyday by her
and my favorite thing to hear is the "grade talk"
because i'm in several classes of busy work loving racist arrogant assholes who give us 1000 hours of this crazy a** pointless work that takes away from my time of talking with my gaia friends the ONLY friends i really have sides a certain few and it PISSES ME OFF so i've been slacking off, and ither doing it half a** or not at all and yet a couple teachers get it and understand and cut me some slack.
............
............
............
anyways....
i want to rant more but i think this is a 17 page entry at least so i'll write more later....
 D0N3 · Sun Dec 07, 2008 @ 09:15am · 2 Comments |
