After not so much great thought, I have concluded that I am in fact a hypocrite. A self-hating, selfish, attention-seeking, hypocrite.
Book(s)/Book passages read recently:
The Hunting of the Snark (book)
Jabberwock (book)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (passages)
9:35PM
Well, this really must be a first, writing outside of that school I mean. But, this matter at hand, if that term may be used un-literally, seems or (possible) seemed so important and heart-filling that I just had to write it. As—
As much as I hate starting new paragraphs due to the dramatic effect that it gives or the dramatic that the reader(s) may think will occur, I will/have started one already. I came today to that 'youth group' I suppose one could call it and when I'm there, most especially if Victory is there, I feel so 'Whole', or more 'Whole' I could say. We had much fun and that sly-'almost' (almost I saw again for I know not if she has/had regretted almost betraying me) traitorous was of naught, gone, Missing In Action for most of the time to an hour's half or so before this once-a-week reunion had to officially close.The newer members added to our wavery-walled group contribute (possibly, but most likely) to that greater 'Wholeness' that I (oft or sometimes) that I feel there, especially the/that one girl whom I had once suspected of being a phoney, a fake, (and I may perhaps sill do) for with her there it makes, no, gives me the notion, the felling of "You are (not) Alone," "Can you believe it?"
Anyway, I spoke with Victory—! No, please wait dear reader, for I have yet another event/story to tell before this one. It was perhaps only minutes several (( I've always thought of the word 'several' pertaining or meaing to be around the number of seven-ish)however upon looking back now it must have been more/much more than only a mere of 7 minutes) that I was speaking to the suspected of being phonu/phonyness ( her name shall now be guised as P.S., standing for Phoney Suspicion) about 'alter-egos' since I dound that to be, and still find it to be, the only word that could even possibly describe the relationship between Victory and her Dreamer/Creator, and Her and I. Her answer made me doubt, no, that's not, the word, some-what disappointed, disheartened, that she may not had had one/any at the time, or one/any at all! I rest now for my hand hrows tired as I have been writing near non-stop for the past hour.
Anyway, to the story/event I had been trying to tell a long while ago. I spoke to Victory of/about my troubles. of Her disappearing like (my) childhood with the first definition I had known. To my somewhat (great) surprise was that Victory had said that she felt that or that she was (if aaI may add an 'in fact') becoming Victory herself, the Dreamer and the Dream I think of now as I write this, and perhaps that Her was fusing becoming me. I refuted this in a rather down and angsty fashion, that I wasn't becoing Her at all (and that would very much be an insult on Her part) but, Victory being the wise and admired and envied/enviable 'teacher' that in ways she is, said that it's a test. I believe she is the only friend of mine in real-life/known in the physical world, although I still have my ever-human doubts.
[End Log]
The ending and starting time of the second piece of this diary/journal entry after a break of an hour's writing was never recorded.
The denial of reality[/color:080c5c5e2e]
Living in a fantasy world[/color:080c5c5e2e][/align:080c5c5e2e]
Living in a fantasy world[/color:080c5c5e2e][/align:080c5c5e2e]
