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I'm feeling lost, because, even though what Andy did hurt, I still like him, and I still want to feel his arms around me, and his soft lips on me. It doesn't work like that though. And I feel sick to my stomach, each time I look at him and his girlfriend. They hug and they kiss in the hallway during school. I sometimes think I am going to hurl. I still wish it was me, the one that he liked. I don't know what I did, to make him act that way. And all he does is try to tell me hes sorry, well he isn't trying to make it right. I told him words don't mean s**t to me. And he disagreed. So now I'm at a conflict, because I don't want to be a b***h, and say I can't stand to see them kiss. But its not my fault that I feel jealous. I guess thats ok though, because I got the thing she'll miss. And that should make me feel like a princess, but I'm not. And I'm angry, and I don't know what the hell is wrong. And I feel like writting all this isn't getting me anywhere, but I'm wrong. Just getting my thoughts down, organizing how I feel, it just makes things better, a little happier. So, on the bright side, I guess I could take it, for a little while longer, because I enjoy the days when I see him smile and laugh and kid, like nothings wrong, and it makes me glad, that he can be like that.

...even if inside I feel like letting loose in my dark age of turmoil...