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my heart.......the only words that I can normally associate with now..

I've begun to remember what really matters.
my mind had been hiding it away from me because of that boy a while back, It knew of the pain to come, and was trying its best to keep me sane I suppose, but the brain does not have full control however. I do o' course.
now, I've met the second challenge, many more drops fill the sea of blood. Is this the end? or will there be one more challenge? two? three?
*sigh* I hope it is the end. I sincerely hope so, although I wish it was a sure thing, I doubt it though. All I can do is have hope.....I guess...
If this gets any worse I don't know what I'll do to myself....I've gotten to be almost just as sad as back then, but a bit better I guess. I know how to sit for at least an hour in a daydream and
my pain is also the only thing that can make me feel better.
I feel servant-like right now...I get that mentality sometimes..maybe one life I was a servant? maybe...I don't remember anything from that one,....only the most important ones.

as the title states, I seem to be going back into reclusion and depression again, I wonder what Kaze-chan will say...I wonder if Kuro will ever read this... Kuro means black ya know.
I dunno what Kuromi means, but I'll find out eventually.
maybe thats a sign for me....I mean, the kid befores nick name was Zain and I had a strong feeling the dark, opposite of the one for me would be named Zain.. I was too blinded and naive to notice...thats why I can't believe anyone when they say I matter or that they care, I promised myself I wouldn't be naive anymore
although I gotta learn to relax a bit, but if you relax, thats when people trick you...thats what happened to me so ya have to understand its very hard for me to trust nice words even though I want to soooo bad.

I wish I could feel better even one day would be nice, even though no body knows what I mean by one day, except for one,...or actually two, people.

I wonder where Kuro is.... O_o maybe somethin happened...
eh I'm talkin to myself sweatdrop

maybe I should end this journal...hmm...uh..kay I will, bye peoples.