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So I guess in the time that I thought I knew it all. In the time
I felt I was right. The time I wanted to make sure everything
was just as how I saw it. Where I thought the blindfolds
wouldn't hold me back anymore. I proved myself wrong-
and I didn't know I had taken the fall in myself.
I can't stress enough, that I don't understand how I believed it.
The lies, how I knew that they were all lies. How I could hear them,
slipping out, and trying to grasp me. I knew that all those feelings
were fake, and yet I still kept listening...
I took it in, but only half of me believed it.
The other half kept telling me every night- that
it was 'too good to be true.' So I guess, that even though I actually
thought someone could feel that way- It was only in the
fairy tales- that happily ever afters happen. Maybe I wanted
to believe it. Maybe I wanted to think it was true...
How can someone still keep smiling in the mirror,
and know how dead they are on the inside? How
they need to fake all the feelings they don't have, and
hurt someone they lied to, for so long- and think that
just maybe real feelings will bleed out? Is that how dead
people feel? How is it, someone can lie to themselves?
Out of what they say is real? How can they keep living
this life- so dead, so un-whole- And still keep smiling?
The chance they gave out a lie to hopefully keep someone
that offered them a REAL place to sleep and live with-in themselves-
was it too real for their fake insides?
What was it that he wasn't looking at?
It didn't hurt me.
Because I didn't care what happened in between the lines.
I don't care why he did what he did, or why he did it.
I don't understand, but I don't want to either.
Nothing bothered me, though I believe it all.
I knew that I was growing on the inside.
Maybe. Maybe I was hurting...
Or maybe I was getting use to the pain.
What it was, that made me move forward-
I wasn't sure.
But I know now, that I can keep moving forward.
And when people ask me if I'm okay, I can smile
and say 'Yes' and really truly mean it, this time.
I don't need someone by my side, to prove
my existence.
Because I remembered what was important.
And that's why I kept moving forward-
I keep moving forward.
 Pain-Killer 4 Dead Angels · Wed Aug 27, 2008 @ 07:14pm · 0 Comments |
