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I was sitting here thinking this evening, and crying over, the fact that I am so ill equipt mentally to do the things I know I should do.
Have you ever been given something to do, a task that seemed insurmountable? Have you been afraid of attempting that task? Having learned from the past that before you even try to do what is required, you'll fail?
This is not a lack of confidence issue. This has nothing to do with simply believing in myself. It has everything to do with a lack of faith that someone like me is in the position that I'm in.
Why me?
I've asked that question a thousand times over in the past five years and still theres no answer. But there is a sentence written by my grandmother in an old dictionary that she gave me that keeps coming back to my mind..."Half of knowing what you want is knowing what you have to give up to get it." I don't know why she wrote it there. Her life was hard too. But it's a sentence that haunts me everyday.
I already know what I want. But, do I know what I have to give up to gain what I want? Or better yet, can I?