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Okay, so this being my 3rd entry of the week, I guess I should finally get to the point that this week and probably every week of the rest of my life is just going to be a downward spiral where i will be incapable of loving anyone at all. Why, you ask? Because in the time from around the end of March to the 7th of June I have fallen hard and fast without even turning back to think that this love is logical and then he leaves me here bleeding and I just can't seem to take the time to pick myself up off the floor because he's never going to come back, and you can't tell me otherwise. But in all the time that I have lived I haven't needed anyone as much as i have needed him. He was so protective of me and he loved me for who i was and he never tried to change me as so many have. I loved him with all of my heart and soul and he knew it, and then he just leaves me here. It's like someone just stabbed me in the back and he isn't even bothering to call for help. I just can't stand it! And on top of that, I just broke up with a guy that i've been going out with for about 4 weeks, but he really liked me, and I like him more like a brother, so he hated me for a while and I can't take anyone hating me right now because I am filled up with so much hate for myself because I believe at the moment I blame myself for the one that I love most leaving me here without anything to hold onto and I just want to go to sleep and wake up and find that he's still there and I can just run into his arms and he'll tell me that everything is alright and my life will just have a fairy tale ending where everyone's happy, I've stopped cutting, and everyone will love everyone and this damn war will be over. But well we all know that sure as hell isn't going to happen. So here I sit, hating myself and hating life and wishing that somehow it'll all just end and I won't have to be crying with no one to help me because no one can.

well that was a very emo rant. alright, go on, go home, let me just cry myself to sleep. i'll see you tomorrow.