They never fit! I'm not kidding! They're always too big, no matter what size I buy! WHY?!?! Belts don't even work!! It is a curse of sorts? Put on my family to curse the only child whose name doesn't start with a 'P' in the family?! Why must it be me?! Though.... 'A' is a much cooler letter than 'P'.... Shall this curse follow me to the ends of time? Will my pants in my coffin not fit, either? Or is this my hell, no pants fitting. Must I forever walk around, my hand pulling my pants up? Must I forever only use one hand? What shall become of my left hand? It be glued to my pants to pull them? How could I raise my hand in school if my right hand got tired? Even the 'Tight-Fitting' pants don't fit! It could be a conspiracy.... It's the government! Working against me! That's the only reason! Damn F.B.I. losers.... Stalking my pants. Why must it be me??!?! ALL I WANT ARE PANTS THAT FIT!!!
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