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Ever come to a situation where you literally have no clue what to do? What's right, what's wrong. Are you making the right moves? Should you of done this, said that or kept that to yourself? I'm there now. It's gotten to the point where all I'm doing is what makes everyone else happy. Even if what I'm doing isn't making me happy.

I know, I know I'm being vague. I just don't honestly know who’s reading my journal. So I can't explain the entire situation. I don't want my venting to cause an awkward situation.

It's just honestly growing tiring running on others uncertainties. Especially when I absolutely know what I want. Running on heresay, and my own assumption of the actions of others is esssentially what I've been going on.

I could just give up. But I could miss out on something. Or on the other hand I could be wasting my time. I don't believe that to be the case. I at least hope that not be the case.

It's hard, really it is. When you want something and have always put way to much of yourself into achieving the things you want. It's just hard when it doesn't look like it's going to work for you.

But what's worse is when you get signs that it will and flip flop back and forth. I have no idea what's the best course of action here. All I know is what my heart wants, and I'm headed in that direction.

I just wish that once all the good that I've done would come back to pay off. I know, I know that's selfish. I should appreciate what I have. But I guess that's just my humanity peering through. I can't always do and think the right way.

I wish I could write more and explain everything. But really, I don't want the wrong person reading this and getting upset at someone when really theres nothing to validate it.

I'll take this alone if I have to. Whats another stich in the heart right?


... Right?

~DJ Bothwell