That was really good! I was reading it, and the only thing I really wanted to change about it was the line....becuas eI wanted it to go liek this:

"Some people can live life forever
with a smile across their face,
and their fear, grief and utter disgrace."

That's how I wanted to read it in my head, at least, and my eyes kept trying to change it. That's just the way I kept thinking, but other than that, I think it's AMAZING!