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this journal is really writen to get some steam off so don't judge. you have been warned.
this is the first time in 17 years that i'm not celebrating easter. a few weeks ago i revieled to my parents that i am not christian anymore, needless to say, they freaked. and now living an agnostic life under a christian roof is turning into the most grinding experiance of my life. and now it's easter (as i jokingly called zombie jesus day) and my parents are determined to make this the most festive easter i've ever had, just to piss me off. i can see under their smiles, a grimace that they messed up in raisineg me and the aura of dissapointment just permiates every nook and crany of my house. it is driving me crazy, and they smile at me! mocking me, and saying to themselves, "we raised the devil". and i say to myself "i would rather go to hell that spent the rest of my life fearing it! i go willingly damnit! why make life hell just to go to hevean? no, i choose happyness for this life and, if the price is to pay, hell in the next life!" this is my own choice, my parents don't understand that you can be a good person without jesus in your life. i'm a good person, i have morals, i have my own beliefs. i have rejected jesus and that is my own choise, no one else's
i found the greatest tresure of my life without god's help, i did it on my own and i'm more happy without him than with his opressive hand. i've set myself free from the bonds of the christian hypocracy and if it were not for my parents i would be completly happy. prehaps i should have not told them, i made my mom cry when i told her, and ever since, this aura of disapointment has followed me where ever i go. i should have left them out of this choice. i never should have told them. but it is my chose and thier single minded veiws can't reach me where i am. i am above it.
god can't be put in a box like how christians do it, they say god works like this, no, god, spirit, the only nothing, the big is, the sum of all that is, it can't be described in the christian religion. and every time i hear the preacher give one of his "fire and brimstone" sermons i am just so compelled to go up to that pulpit punch him in the face and turn to the congregation and say "your god is a god of mercy, and yet he condems 75% of the human population, his childern, to eternal damnation? that is not mercy! your god is just but then we must ask ourselves, is justice no more than glorifyed revenge? is your god vengefull? but how can he be? he loves all of his people. does that include jews, muslums, agnostics? no, acording to this piece of unreal s**t that you idiots call a bible everyone who is not of the UNINTED METODIST CHURCH are all going straight to hell! even baptists, catholics, and other protestants are condemned as well! acording to this holy piece of s**t, only you who conform to this patheticly shortsited religion are worthy of god! this religion is not only an insult to that great undefinable entity that you forced into the box of god but it is an insult to the entire human population you preach peace but the thing that this bible says is to wage war it sickends me that you fools can be so blind."
any one eles feel like following suit and leaving? probably not you've all been brainwashed by you preacher every sunday since you were born, how can you not believe? you have my sympathy not my condemnation i don't even care that any christian that reads this will not see the real message, just see it as blasphemy, just like they were trained to.
my deepest appologys to anyone i offended but that is the way i feel and through no ammount of "the power of christ compells you" can you change my ways.
 mokuzai · Sun Mar 23, 2008 @ 02:17pm · 4 Comments |
