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Life seriously isn't fair. I could rant and rant about that. I could whine and complain but it won't change a damn thing. Why? Because life isn't ******** fair! I could point fingers, completely over analyze my entire existant. Just poke and prod and what I've done in the past. Just as some vain attempt to validate or justify when the world takes an metaphorical s**t on me.

No matter what I do. How I act, how I live. I seriously am unable to change the cold hard fact that things aren't fair. No matter how nice I so vainly consider myself to be. No matter how hard I delude myself into believing I work at things. It's not fair and I've learned to accept that.

Ugh but regardless I have to continue on. I have to make the best out of my life. No matter how unfair things get. I have to attempt and make things better. The best I can, or at least the best I force myself to believe I can. I try to get this self image of me as being this good person. Hell I'm nothing. It's becoming more and more obvious.

So back to my life, my mother is going to be having an operation soon. One of her kidneys isn't functioning correctly. See a few years ago she had developed a kidney stone 1 inch by and inch and a half in diameter. She had four procedures. Where ultrasonic soundwaves were used to crush the stone. However they ended up splitting into many smaller pieces, some passing, but some not. So overtime they built up again and formed anew. This time about 3 times the size as before.

Apparently my mothers kidney is unable to keep this from happening. It's essentially no longer functioning due to this. So she's having it removed. Not the stone, but the entire kidney.

Luckily her other kidney is functioning well. You can live on only one. So this shouldn't be to much to worry on. Regardless though, it's surgey and theres always grounds to worry. Which of course I am, and will always do for those close to me.

Heh, I'm fairly upset right now. So I'm going to wrap this up. I'll keep things posted.

~DJ Bothwell