Ignoring every
t e m p t a t i o n...
t e m p t a t i o n...
One of our cats, Leo, died yesterday. Hit by a car. He was under a year, perhaps eight months, and was the absolute picture of perfection. His fur was wonderfully soft and smooth, and he was adorable with unique markings that made him look like a clouded leopard. I feel this strange mix of hate, sadness, empathy, sympathy, and anger. I'm angry and hateful at the car that hit him. I'm very sad that he died. But I think what hurt most of all was my mom's reaction. Leo always nursed on her, because he was taken away from his mom too early. It was horrible when we picked up Leo's body. My mom didn't want to let him go, wanted to hold him one last time, and wanted to put a blanket over his body in case there was a little spirit left. I can empathize because of when I lost my dog, but I can only sympathize in the way that it was like Mom was loosing a child.
I'm just thankful that the corpse wasn't too mangled. That would have been too much to bear. This is depressing for me in a different way than when my dog died. Not only do I have to be in pain, but I have to see my mother in such horrible pain. The death keeps hitting me like a brick, over and over again. It was all I could do at school today to not burst out crying while thinking of the death. And of course, that was all that was on my mind. It doesn't help that I have little control over my tears. I never have. Pistol Valve, a new band I've been listening to, is my savior, as is my other cat, Merry. During school, singing lyrics of Pistol Valve kept from crying most of the time. Merry was amazingly sympathetic in the morning and the night when Leo died, somehow managing to snuggle with both me and my mom last night. It makes you realize how understanding animals can be.
To tell you the truth, I feel awful writing this, but I needed someway to get my feelings out. It's really horrible. I just keep thinking, "Oh my god, I can't believe he's dead!" again and again. Anyway, I suppose I'm signing for now.
I'm just thankful that the corpse wasn't too mangled. That would have been too much to bear. This is depressing for me in a different way than when my dog died. Not only do I have to be in pain, but I have to see my mother in such horrible pain. The death keeps hitting me like a brick, over and over again. It was all I could do at school today to not burst out crying while thinking of the death. And of course, that was all that was on my mind. It doesn't help that I have little control over my tears. I never have. Pistol Valve, a new band I've been listening to, is my savior, as is my other cat, Merry. During school, singing lyrics of Pistol Valve kept from crying most of the time. Merry was amazingly sympathetic in the morning and the night when Leo died, somehow managing to snuggle with both me and my mom last night. It makes you realize how understanding animals can be.
To tell you the truth, I feel awful writing this, but I needed someway to get my feelings out. It's really horrible. I just keep thinking, "Oh my god, I can't believe he's dead!" again and again. Anyway, I suppose I'm signing for now.
Only to destroy my sanity
