Note: If you don't like hearing about me and my tendencies, don't read this entry. The last thing I want is for people to complain about my complaining. [This entry is more for my own purposes than yours.] So, howdy-do to you. I know how much everyone hates journal entries about depression, but oh, well, they can deal with one more.
Okay. I don't know what just happened, but for some reason, I had a flashback to the last time I tried to overdose, which wasn't too long ago. I used to be really masochistic, and no one would believe that I was trying to hurt myself, no matter how much I starved myself, or how much of my medication I inhaled at once, everyone thought it was "just a phase". I think it was because of the "friends" I had during that time period, whom I was really stupid to believe that I could truly call them that.
I don't know why, but it wasn't even painful when I would overdose. It was more like a blinding peace, in a way. The dizzy feeling it would give me before I passed out wasn't even like a high, it was like I had already died, which might have been my goal. Maybe it was, but I don't think I had anything but a subliminal motive for doing so, you know?
There, I'm done. No, I'm not some suicidal angsty teenager, I'm just going through a depression in which my doctor thinks that anti-depressants or sleeping pills would cause me to kill myself, because almost all anti-depressants have suicidal side-effects for teens, and she thinks sleeping pills are either a temptation or will make me more hyper. And that freak decided this without knowing about my past attempts at ODing. Idiot, I wouldn't try suicide again, I enjoy life far too much at the moment.
Okay, now I'm really done.
Okay. I don't know what just happened, but for some reason, I had a flashback to the last time I tried to overdose, which wasn't too long ago. I used to be really masochistic, and no one would believe that I was trying to hurt myself, no matter how much I starved myself, or how much of my medication I inhaled at once, everyone thought it was "just a phase". I think it was because of the "friends" I had during that time period, whom I was really stupid to believe that I could truly call them that.
I don't know why, but it wasn't even painful when I would overdose. It was more like a blinding peace, in a way. The dizzy feeling it would give me before I passed out wasn't even like a high, it was like I had already died, which might have been my goal. Maybe it was, but I don't think I had anything but a subliminal motive for doing so, you know?
There, I'm done. No, I'm not some suicidal angsty teenager, I'm just going through a depression in which my doctor thinks that anti-depressants or sleeping pills would cause me to kill myself, because almost all anti-depressants have suicidal side-effects for teens, and she thinks sleeping pills are either a temptation or will make me more hyper. And that freak decided this without knowing about my past attempts at ODing. Idiot, I wouldn't try suicide again, I enjoy life far too much at the moment.
Okay, now I'm really done.
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