I had another journal entry with a title similar to this, and I'm brining it back because this entry is about a similar issue.
Desire.... It's something that all humans experience. Don't deny it by saying that you've never desired anything; you have and you know it. But it's fine, right? You're only human.
A little desire here and there can be healthy; it reminds us all that we aren't perfect and can't be expected to be perfect, right?
But when desires get a little out of hand and become obsession that you know that you've got a problem.
What I've been feeling probably just what every human female feels when going through her teenage years. desire, pressure, maybe a little obsession, which guy is hotter, who would you have a chance with, how should you go about getting the guy to notice you....
But me, I'm probably no individual when it comes to this issue; many girls probably have this problem.
When we set our eyes on a target, on a goal, on a "trophy", nothing will stop us from getting it.
Around the beginning of my freshman year, my mom was subbing at my middle school for a teacher and ran into my seventh grade English teacher. She was telling him about how I was doing well in color guard and stuff like that, and apparently he said that he knew I would do well because of my determination.
Determination. Is that what you call it, Mr. S? Are you sure that it isn't just obsessive compulsion?
I'd always figured that he knew more than he was letting on to. But whatever. This isn't about my ex-teacher, but about desire and how it shall be the death of me.
I think I'm a stalker. Of the guy I like. It's like there's these two sides of me; one is the side that MUST get everything she sets her eyes on, and the other is the one who just wants everyone to be safe. I'm not sure which side is writing this entry.
But I guess we can all relate to that, huh? One side is the instincts, the hunter, the one who shall win. The other is the side that is shown outwardly to people every day. I'm trying to use my "good" side to reign in my hunter side, but (most of the time) instincts are stronger than common sense.
I'm just lucky that I haven't gone up to this guy and tackled him to the floor and gone on with my huntress desires. I'm just lucky that whenever I've seen him, I've turned my head away and breathed, thinking about how this wasn't an opportune time. I'm just lucky that whenever I've nearly been taken over by these instincts, that one of my friends from the Hallway tackle-hugs me and gets me distracted.
But is it luck? Or is it fate?
I don't really like the idea of Fate and Destiny. I prefer the idea that I'm in control of my own life, and that this path that I'm taking isn't the only path available to me.
All in all, for now I'm just trying to forget about this guy, because he isn't worth it. Who is this insignificant percussionist from Michigan to ruin me? He isn't worth it. I'm too good for this. He can't. He has his own, insignificant life, and I have mine. The only thing he and I have in common is that we're in marching band and we happened to take the same bus during competitions.
That's all, right?
But that's the "keep everyone safe" side of me talking. I want to keep him safe by getting rid of my interest, even if it means thinking that he's insignificant. But my huntress side sees the potential.
I drew a Tarot card about this a while back, and the reading that I'm getting is confusing. What I THINK it means is that hypothetically, he and I could have a great relationship. But I drew more cards, and I think that basically nothing is going to happen because I'm not making any moves. So my huntress side is contemplating starting the hunt by sending him a message through Facebook, and then gradually talking to him IRL, and befriending him, and then going in for the "kill."
But if I befriend him, I might accidentally get him involved with all this self drama that I'm putting myself through. I respect him too much, this insignificant percussionist from Michigan, to put him through any pain.
But if I feel this way about him, then what about any other guy that comes along? If I feel this way about any guy that I start to get interested in, will I ever have a boyfriend? Will I ever fall in love? Will I ever marry or become a mother?
*sighs* This sucks.
Well, I've gotta go. The house must be cleaned, I must shower, and I've gotta think about what to do for food for my birthday party with my friends, since the last one I was planning went disastrously bad (nobody could show up because everyone was sick).
How the hell can Kay not like pizza?!? And how can Megan not like popcorn?!?
My friends are weird.
Welll.... this is a busy Horse lady, signing out!
Katie Sea Community Member 
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