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Funny sayings:Sstupid and witty quotes and Funny Sayings from bumper stickers, T-shirts, graffiti etc.

I get enough exercise pushing my luck.


Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep


Guns don’t kill people… but they make it real easy.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.


Born free… taxed to death.


The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.


Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.


A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.


There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.


I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.


Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.


WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.


If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.


You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.


I got a gun for my wife, best trade I’ve ever made.


So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute, honey!


Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.


If, a two letter word for futility


I don’t care, I don’t have to.


Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.


Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.


To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.


I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

All men are idiots … I married their king.