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Holy crap, it's hot out. Heat makes me tired. I guess it doesn't help that I have been working the last few weeks on the yard. I got to drive today and back up the Jimmy whee . Though, I did get to drive it yesterday too.

I miss Syd... sad

Life is slowly going by like it always has. I have been thinking more though. I wish more so then any other time that I would have less time to spend. Less time to think and less to worry about. But, things never change that much... yet, things are always changing. Friends come and go and you look back on the memories that are not so far back in time, yet they seem so far away. You realize how foolish you were to even begin a relationship. You should have walked away when you had a chance. Sometimes, you can see a relationship fall apart infront of you and you are so helpless, you want to freeze time and stop it from falling apart any further. I try hard to reach out as far as I can to grasp onto the fading friendships, but try as I might, it is impossible to grap onto an apparision.

Looking back, I see myself as a shadow amoung people. Always in a corner out of sight. I isolate myself so much... it's kinda hard to turn from the habit. People tell me that when I'm around them, I am always unemotional and blank. I don't know.. am I? There is always two sides to every coin. I have two sides as well. I am not always the loner child, but happy and weird. I come out of my shell when I know people well enough. I am really shy and quiet most of the time. I don't really talk unless people are talking to me. I don't know, it's more of if they talk to me they want to me around me and things like that. If not, I feel they don't want to be around me... not as being mean, just not in the mood.

Time is changing and people are going. There isn't really much you can do to stop it. People die... it's life, get over it. It's funny.. poeple say I have no grasp on what death means. No, I just hold it in a different light. Death is a new journey... and if it ends right there. Oh well, false believes give way to hope. Hope is hope even if it is false. You only have a longer fall. Life is a depressive... you get high and then you fall hard and you look for an even better high then before. Soon, you can't find one and rot just like so many others searching for something that can't be found. I laugh only because it's all so stupid. Everything seems so stupid in the end.