Wow.. my first real post in a long time...
I think I'm lost in reasons I'm not able to figure out. Or if I'm hiding from them. I am not certain if people truely understand me or even wish to know me. I know there are some who really are there for me, but the ones I wish to be there are never really there or is it that I am not. Since summer has started I have been thinking way too much and put doubt on everything, but that is what true thinkers do. They question the exhistest of reasons they used to support and find better reasons to support the thing they think of. I question now and then if we are really here. I mean... I'm sure people have questioned themselves this at one time as well. How can we prove that we really are here. It may just be a reality someone thought up. A dream maybe? That our minds created to excape the reality of the real world. I notice more and more that how much this world is being corupted. I'm not sure if I can even believe myself. Is there really an alternative reality? Did it really all start with a "bang". Or was there something more? Something that we can't explain.
My reasons for still being alive, well, that's kinda easy. I am only here because of the people that still care about me. Sometimes I wish they would just let go of me, so I could end the madness I feel. My past haunts me. It's like my own shadow I'm afriad to let out. I'm afraid it might hurt someone. I never really noticed how much I actually cared about if I hurt someone on purpose. I noticed it all too well tonight. I can't take my own life when it really doesn't belong to just me. Everyone I've crossed paths with my life string is entertwined with. Like a web... If a thread in the web breaks, the web itself becomes unstable and it will forever remain that way, because when someone comes across that memory of the person who died chaos breaks out. So really, our lives are just not our own but they belong to everyone.
People think I come across snotty and I think I know everything. No, I just have my own theories about how the world works. I want to learn as much as I can within the time I have left. One person once told me, why try and learn something now when you have your whole life ahead of you to do that. I told them that what if I die tomorrow? What then? I would have lived for nothing. Plus, it satisfies my natural curiousity of life. I love to learn and watch. I love watching how people work. How their mind is. Some people are very complexed and others aren't so. So really, I eavesdrop and watch people a lot. I like to know their habits and as I watch and listen to them I can make a judgement on their personalities and wheather or not they are worth getting to know them even more. I'm laid back and have seen a lot. Nothing really surprises me anymore. Oh, look... that girl just murdered her parents... how sad and those kids drowned in that creek. The worlds ********... what more can I say?
Running.-.With.-.Scissors Community Member 
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