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Right now in the last several weeks, few months. My life has been a constant series of high times and low times. Just as soon as I start climbing the metaphorical wall of well being. I stumble and fall to the ground again. Lately it's been more of a midway drop. So I am approving, yet I'm still not up there. Where ever or whatever lies on the top of this wall, this hole, this mountain.

Mountain is a good way to describe the sheer effort it seems to be taking me to scale this. Sheer will power is keeping my climbing, keeping me looking upward at the positive light ahead. At this point I refuse to let myself fall. I refuse to give up. I've climbed many "mountains" in my life and this will no doubt be the last. No it WON'T be my last.

Ever wonder if the problems you're facing are as big as you percieve them? Are you climbing everst or a bunny hill? Despite the size we should still climb the same. With the same strength, will, and determination. I'm finding it best to go one hand at a time, one foot hold after another. If I look to far forward, and grasp the enormity of lies ahead. It's easy to hesitate, and fall.

I wish I knew the correct way to do things. I wish I knew the correct method of fixing my mistakes, fixing my problems. What will make me happy? Why am I so caught up in myself I can't even see it anymore? Maybe that's it? Maybe I focus to much on what I think is wrong, I'm unable to move onwards? It's just every inch I climb up, I run into another obstacle. Lose rock, slick stone if you will. But in the end, will all my efforts in the climb, my sweat, blood and tears to be shed. Will it only make me stronger? Or will it be to much to handle?

What path in life did I take that lead me to this climb? Where in my past did I take this? What would happen even I ventured back and walk the other way? Would I be struggling now, or will I be happy only to lead to something worse later on? Life is completely and utterly uncertain. I don't know what to do. No body does, all I can do at this point is to keep moving. If I fall, I fall.

~DJ Bothwell