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Five days left.

My own dreams give me insight to how I truly feel about these situations in life, and they depress me. It all does, all contributes to the feeling that I made a huge mistake, or at least many different mistakes, this year. But I won't change it, even if I can, because that would be dishonest to myself.
But there's the other half, that I want so desperately to change but can't, because nobody will listen. They won't listen to my realizations of life that were caused by sudden emotions that I had never known the depth of until it was too late.
I want to not feel emotion at all- to be completely detached from the emotional side of life, like I was for a short time before.
I had not learned from that, I was too young. I did not learn from the first situation that came to be through soembody else's shallowness. I did not learn from the first situation that came to be through my own emotion. And I did not learn from the second, that came from my own loneliness. I did not learn from the second still, the one that forced upon me but left me, too, against my will. Will I be able to keep the the third from coming to be, by staying away? But I did not learn from the third situation, either, the unchangable one.

Nobody listens to me, and nobody cares about that half of me. So nobody will understand me fully.