Midnight Lace
Community Member
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Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 @ 08:11pm
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Hate: Something I do every day.
I hate my family! I don't care if my mother sends me away, She keeps telling me that anyway, yet she won't...I wonder why, is she too scared to know the fact I'm getting to hate her? She's ruined all my life, read my diary, my only form of privacy in this house- SHE BOUGHT the damn diary to give me my privacy, yet she read it. It hurts my heart to know she has to see what's deep down her "cold-hearted b***h of a daughter" I mean- I've been crying about it! I want to get to know her, I want to get along, I want to be friends with her though some people think it's pointless, but I want to.
You see, it's because I'm the eldest, and with that, I must be shadowed apart, or so I think...I mean come to think of it, Mother is always paying attention to Brandon and Autumn's every needs, them being the youngest and all, I guess it's only fair. But everything I try to do, she just yells, and gets mad! When I try to talk to her, or try telling her something deep down, which I've given up by now, she starts giving me a lecture...I just want her to know things, and want her to be protective, but the only person she's protective over is Brandon and Autumn, mostly Brandon because of his head problem, and how frail he is, Autumn because she's "been hurt the most" or so it seems. Sure, I guess it's right to think that, since she's beaten up by us alot, but it's only play! yet she doesn't think of it very much.
She also told me how my dreams wouldn't come true cuz she don't got the money but I don't care! I can dream, can't I? I don't need to have them ruined- but of course she likes to ruin them...
She read it, and told me that the way I write could end me up in a psycho home. Hmph, I could say she knows nothing of what I dream of, how I write. She's never payed any good attention to what I've been doing in the conferences! She merely asks how it is, and if I'm with my own level, and if I could write about her love life as well. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks life is only about her, that is the way she puts things.
I have too much anger in her as of right now. I take it this may as well be my only form of priv- wait..it can't be- but it will soon...I mean come ON! I need somewhere to confide what I feel ;-;
Today:
I hate my sister. Bunches. Autumn has done nothing but complain to me! Brandon and Autumn have been playing Sonic alot, and what do they do? they complain! Autumn cries cuz Brandon beats her butt, and they scream in my ear as I try to calm myself with music, but no! Then Autumn hits brandon, brandon cries in my ear, and I am forced to lose my mind! It's havoc! Then Autumn hits Brandon for winning and saying "haha!" and she's like "NO!! I HATE THAT!" and Brandon yells back"SO!" and he cries cuz she hurt his ear. Why?! I want mother here so they can take their damn issues to her, since she's more likely to listen to them then she is to me.
I throw a pillow at Autumn to shut her up, and she goes off screaming. I tell her to go to her room, and she yells "NO! I HATE YOU!" and calls me a profanity. Where did she learn this language? Supposedly me, but the only time I use profanity is when I'm on the computer, where I can split my feelings, or my diary, where I can put anything and everything down. She then starts mimicking me, and I send her off, and throw another pillow, this time hitting her in the face, she cries, and calls me a b***h, then stomps off to her room, yelling she's gonna tell mom!
I CAN'T TAKE THEM ANYMORE! I WANT THEM TO GO BACK TO MICHIGAN WHERE THEY BELONG!
Yes, I hate my siblings...
It's continued on...doing the same thing over- until Autumn decides to bite and hit me. I'm taking abuse..yes...and I can't do it back, and it's so hard to hold back, if you guys would KNOW of such behavior...
I need your help.
tell me what I'm doing wrong...
I get called a jackass by her, they continue to bicker...I stare at my sister- she stares back, then glares, then says everything's hers..
I feel like I need to run away...I really do, the most likely thing next on my list is to go run off where I'll be wanted.
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