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ok, this will be pretty informal (yeah, becasue the rest of my entries are so formal) because i'm not wuite sure what my opinion for this is yet, and i just want to get all my thoughts down.
alright, i have a friend (i shall call her, C,) and she like this boy who TOTALLY (like, totally, like) likes her too. (the boy shall be called T) and, if you are reading this, C, u know who you are.
basically, C and T have been spending a lot of time together lately, mainly, in the morning. now, the morning is the ONLY tiem of day i can see C, and i didn't really mind it the past week or so becaue i havn't been able to see her because i was working on a group english project who can only meet in the morning (grades trump). but today ws the first day in a while where i could meet her, but , of course, she went for a walk with T. she has been doing this for the past week, so i can't blame T or anything, or even C. but, as C knows, that time is sacred to me because otherwise, i don't see her. she has class with T adn all that.
now, my quarry was this: i know that boys are the root of ALL drama (at least in my world) as soon as boys enter the picture, drama proceeds them. btu it's not really drama with my "crew" (crew of abotu three people) but i know that we will be friends no matter if we see eachother in the morning or not, and i know that in comparrison, C has spent less time with T than us since our friendship. and so i'm wondering if i'm being selfish in wanting her to keep spending time with me when i know that we'll be friends for a long while, whereas boys are something you have to take a chance on and they are something that takes time and effort.
tonight, i got to hang out with C for the frist time in probably a week and a half or so. i had a blast! (we were sorta sitting in the rain while watching a debate and we really wanted to scream obvious things to the debators) adn i realized, i don't want to give up the time i spend with C. i don't want to be gracious and reasonable (those are usually qualities i control very well) i want to be selfish, i want to spend time with my friend.
what i don't want to happen is that i tell her this, so she backs off from T, and then she wishes she hadn't backed off, or she feels that she would have had a better itme with T. i would feel horrible. but i know it's a conflict with C, too, becasue she's asked me what i thought (i told her that i wanted her to spend time with us, i did tell her to do what she wants, thus, i cannot blame her whatsoever because i havn't really told her that i still wanted to spend time iwht her in the morning) but when i said she should do what she wants, i was sorta hoping that instead of going off into their own little world, she would incorperate T into our group, so we could all be friends. this, obviously, didn't happen.
i am usually a person for complete selflessness, sacrifice of one for the many, put others before yourself type of deal. but for this, i have to change my mind. C, i like spending time with you, and i don't want that to stop. i don't want to have to call you or email you to communicate. i want to be able to see you in person each day, otherwise, i will see you 45 minutes a week. that is not enough. we are reffered to as twins, joined at the hip, and so on, and i understadn that as we grow older and get boyfriends and the such that we wont' be able to be so close. btu this is too much. to cut down the time i see you by two thirds is too much, too fast. i want to spend more time with you, i want to continue being oen of your best friends, i watn to be selfish, and i want you to know i'm willing to fight for it.
PS: to any one who doesn't know myself of C, trust me, i'm not a lesbian. (we've been mistaken for lesbians before) and i know that from the outside we look abnormally close, but TRUST ME, i am not gay. just a clarification.
 Qua Quidam · Sat Dec 15, 2007 @ 02:54am · 2 Comments |
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