Well I feel like it's 2 am and I'm tired, but I can't sleep because I keep thinking back to the past two days. Three days, I guess, 'cause technically it's a new day now. Best three days of my life.
I guess everyone has a little spot inside himself or herself. This spot doesn't really ever get filled, and so we don't know it exists until we find something that fills it. Then, we realize that all along we had an empty place. Is there a way for me to describe this? I'm trying to decide, I just don't know. There are so many different things I could say, different ways I could look at it, but there's no possible way that I could get a feeling such as that into words that make sense. I know, though, that with him I felt that little spot fill up, and I was happy. I felt pretty, I felt important, and I felt like I mattered. It was worth waiting almost five months for this spot to fill up. I know I'm sad now, but it's all worth it to have been able to experience every touch, every look, every little feeling. I just wish I could express it in some way, that I could let the world know that I think I love somebody, and then the world would tell me, "Right on!" or something! Like this should be some kind of important event, like everyone should be able to say, "Sam's such a good guy! Wow, what a neat character, isn't he?" 'cause damn straight he is! And I guess the reason I'm sad isn't because my spot's empty, it's because I feel like I abandoned him. I know there's nothing I could have done, I had to go, but I still feel like there was some way I could have stayed with him just a little longer, something I didn't do that I should have.
And I'm adding wood to the fire.
I guess another thing that bothers me is that I put everything I had into looking foreward to this, but now that it's over I wish it could happen all over again. I just want to see 'im again. But I know that the upside to this is that I will. I don't know when, but I know I will, and that makes it ok.
Liska Community Member 
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Community Member