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The dreams that I've dreamed in the past.
Are all cluttered in my mind. Beneath the load of crap, that's poking my side.
But really something that's dying to come out.
All of my hopes and all I've worked for, has come to this.

I think someone, inside of me, the real me, but not anyone else.
It's irritating and beyond comprehension. This is so different then what I always felt.
It's like, the day I hit 12...I changed by so much. It's not even funny.
Even if my closest friends never thought that I did. Deep down, I'm the only one who knows it's true.

Is it all worth it? I mean, I use to be almost perfect when I was younger, except of course my geeky-ness xD
You can call it a phase, but it's more than that. AHHGGH!!! I hate it, I worked so hard to build what I had, and for it to crumple to a pile of crap. How does that work out on it's own? YOU TELL ME.

I use to be smart, I actually cared about school. But now it's not even worth it. It's like, everything has changed it's course. I use to have an optimistic perspective about life....How can it change by a couple of months so quickly?
I was slowly turning and facing the dark part inside my head. The part that knows hell on earth. The part that tells me to forget about the people around you, to go out on my own and be satisfied with it. Screw love, friends, and family.

I don't want that, but it's getting harder each day to put that thought away.
I've made so many mistakes now, and it's really difficult to say sorry and fix it. I wish it would work but sadly sorry is a five lettered word and it could never heal a wound in someones heart. Forgive and Forget....You can only do one. Forgive OR Forget.

That's the way it works....
I'm starting to feel kinda numb inside. Like, how teens would feel. That stage that everyone calls it, well...you wouldn't call it a phase/stage if you were in it.
Because nobody effin knows what hurts the most if you've never felt it.

>.>
I'm not being emo...or whatever...
I wish I could make this a joke and laugh it off later but....
Later feels like....
Never.
To me, this isn't a joke....and i'm sure everyone can understand. >.>
But it's more than just something to understand and nod in agreement to.

Can you tell me that you've ever felt an empty hole in your chest?
....

Where your heart is?
And it feels so real....