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I feel like a whore. I am a virgin....but I do not want to be. I want to be free. And it is all so terrible...these feelings.
I hate life, I hate myself, I hate school, my parents, my house, my pets, and I hate some of my friends.
What is this, hatred taking over?
I often wonder. Is it really hate? Or is it jealousy, that my friends can be the center of attention from a man, and I am absolutely nothing.
I don't feel hate. I don't feel jealous.
I don't feel anything anymore.
I feel dead. I do not exist.
And one day. I think I might kill myself.
I hate today. And I hated yesterday.
I will crawl into my bed tonight. I will close my eyes.
But I will not hate my dream. My dreams are my escape...my get away from reality.
But I will hate tomorrow. And I will wish it never came.
This is me today. I wish it wasn't. I need a vacation.
I need to be free. These thoughts. Where do they come from?
I'm not high. I'm not drunk. These thoughts are not me.