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Okay I am sure i am like a lot of people that I sit there and wonder why the hell i even bother any longer stare ... I am serious though.... I mean why do we as humans even bother at times when it all seems to just back fire and smack us in the face? I dont know abt many of the rest of your gaians but everything i do back fires with me now stare ... I am so sick of it all that I am ready to give up....

Take my life for now... I was the oldest of two for the longest time and then 8 years ago my parents brought in my lil brother to teh world. Okay here I am at 13 when i am needing my mom more then ever, with starting my cycle, dealing with the feeling and liking boys... But no I was second to this little demon child... And to make it worse I had a pug namd Tasha.. Had her for 10 years and then my mom and dad told me the doctor said she had to go... so pile hatred of having to give up a memeber of the family for this baby who was stealing my mother away from me... Well of course I am 13 and get very jealous that I treat my lil brother as he gets older as my parents say " mean " .... What the hell do you expect?!

And I mean that wasnt the worst of it, at this time of course I am in high school, well actually jr. high school and well I was not the prettiest or the popular girl... And every day I had to deal with the realization that others around me didnt approve... so my retreat was to go home cry and eat all i could... I always dealt with the boys i had crushes on playing harsh jokes... one sticking in the back of my mind and really forever breaking my trust of a man... Valentines and this gorgeous guy named Craig... Decided to ask me out a week before Valentines and well of course you know I said yes... Well all week he was with me giving lil flowers and everything... Then on Valentines day he came to me with all his friends and told me the whole trick.. He broke my heart and just laughed telling me he did it as a bet... So now here at 20 i still hate V-da scream stare .... All my school life was a living hell, my friends were always going out and doing things with their b/fs *sigh*

Well my love heart life (hahaha thats a freakin laugh! stare ) can be my next rant... god where to begin... I guess with the first guy who told me he even cared... Richard Vo... I am 15 and madly in love for the first time in my life... We had talked for a while and then on my 16th b-day he calls me to wish me Happy Birthday, we staied on the phone for 6 hrs! Every night was like that... He called me from Tx and even gave me phone cards to call him on... Only problem he was older like 19, my mom and dad never knew the truth until one day, after that it all was ruined... I got Valentines flowers for real from him but then it got worse... Dad made it to where i could never talk to him.... so he broke up with me... Then I met an amazing guy named heart Brendan Shipley heart ... This is one guy that I will always be able to count on... Sadly I cheated on him a few times (yea I know what you are thinking)... One of the times had left me crushed... But just after meeting Brendan I joined gaia and before me and Brendan had talked serious I met heart Alexander Dozier heart ... This is a man of men... Ever since he met me we have been so close to one another, and now recently he has revealed a secret to me that really floored me... But i have just gotten out of a bad and very hurtful relationship.. The guy I was with cheated on me with someone I thought was a friend and I found out now that b*****d is dating her... Well I am not going to give them my blessing but my curses (if you knew the whole story you know why)... Now at this point I found i have so many that love me and well I have given my heart and they know who they are.... I love everyone and I really hope everyone know the feelings I have and hold for them all... (please if you are at all confused pm me and I will explain last thing I wnat or need is the ones I love hating, getting mad or anything else sad sweatdrop )....

Well this is all for now.... i plan on doing more ranting to my dr. on Monday sweatdrop